Should I just let it completely go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Should I just let it completely go?
4
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 6:49pm

My bf and I of 4 years just broke up about 2 wks ago.
A few days after breaking up I went to see if he may want to be back in a relationship with me. I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said sort of. He said that he'll always love me, but he can't see being with me in a relationship right now. I asked if he was still in love me with me and he said he didn't know. He said he's tired of us fighting/arguing and not even understanding what we're fighting about-we were long distance for 3.5 years and now in the same city. We hung out on Sat. we had fun, just talking and hanging out, which we had not done in a while. Sun. I asked if he wanted to see how things are after Jan 1st (I'm going back home to visit on the 19th) Last night, at his place, I asked if he wants to try being friends but exclusive to give it a chance. He said he wants to be non-exclusive, but he later agreed. He didn't want to kiss me because we're working on our friendship. I felt guilty asking him to do that.

He told me also last night before talking about being exclusive that he was going to a co-worker's house who is interested in him. When he talked about being friends and not exclusive he said he couldn't see him really doing anything with her. I think I pushed him by asking him to be exclusive and friends. He originally agreed to evaluating things after I come back on the 1st and he said he liked the idea because he just isn't sure about the relationship and his present feelings. Should I continue with the plan we have now to work on our friendship being exclusive for a week or should I wait until I come back on Jan 1st-is there a point in hoping for a relationship with this situation?

(The first 2 parts were written about a week ago), we went out on something of a date this past Saturday and he was a gentleman the whole time and towards the end I tried to kiss him and he wouldn't. Upon asking him about it he said that he's still attracted to me in many ways and even feels that none of the girls he's "talked" to can compare to me, but he's wondering if the relationship has run it's course or if it can still continue. He said he wanted to be by himself at the end of the date, but I didn't like how the discussion ended on the relationship and after some insisting he let me come in and stay for the night (nothing physical happened). The next day he said he still wanted to be by himself for the day, but I just stayed over for awhile and hung out with him. I felt so awkward since he had said he wanted to be by himself and did not seem to want my company, he said that he does like hanging out with me, but he just wanted the day to rest. I walked away for a second and realized what I was doing and said goodbye to him and left. This was Sunday (17th) and I am now in NC (19th) and have not called him since nor has he called me.

Should I just completely let this go?Is it just that we both need space?

Thank you in advance for your honest responses!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:01pm
i'm sorry to hear you are going through this. my best advice is advice you already seem to know -- give him space! buy the book, 'it's called a breakup because it's broken', it will help explain everything. it sounds to me like he is confused and doesn't want to lead you on. he is telling you he is talking to other people but they don't compare to you but he is still not ready for whatever you are wanting right now. he isn't letting you kiss him, he is only caving when you push him and isn't sure how to tell you what he is really feeling. the BEST thing you can do for yourself is continue with no contact. the more you pressure him for answers and to talk, the further away you will push him. this is SO TRUE, i've been there and i didn't want to believe it but it is 100% accurate. if it is meant to be, he will come around. but in the meantime, do not wait for that day! try to go on as best you can without him, it will be hard but you can do it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:06pm

Sorry, but he's not really into this relationship. You are 'back up plan'.

These are the red flags:

I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said sort of.

Sort of? Geez, I bet the other girl would be offended.

::he was going to a co-worker's house who is interested in him / he said he couldn't see him really doing anything with her.

So he's going to someone's house that's INTERESTED in him....so this is all to stroke his ego? She's going to feel like he's leading her on.

::He originally agreed to evaluating things after I come back on the 1st and he said he liked the idea because he just isn't sure about the relationship and his present feelings.

And in the meantime, he can date the co-worker that he's 'sort of' seeing?

Personally, I would completely let go.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:14pm

I agree with the others.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 12:54am

Let it go.

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