Should I move on?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Should I move on?
6
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 12:56pm
I broke up with my boyfriend 12 weeks ago and the break-up really hit me hard. It was out of the blue and completely his decision. As time passes, I'm beginning to feel better but I still get that gut-wrenching feeling when I think of what I've lost.
For the last few weeks though, a really nice guy has been asking me to go for a drink with him. He knows what happened and is very understanding but I don't know whether I can bring myself to go out with him. I know it's only a drink but the thought of getting into a situation where I could be hurt again really scares me. He's lovely though and I'm sure that if anything did happen, it could be good. If I went out with him would it help me get over the ex? If I wasn't feeling like this I'd definately go for it. I'm very confused, please help me! xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 1:20pm
Yes, go ahead and have a drink with him. It will take your mind off the ex, and you need that now, inorder to clear your head and just have a good time. Right now I'm having the hardiest time meeting someone, so that I can just enjoy life without thinking of "him". I wish I was in your shoes, so DO IT!!!! Just have fun, Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 1:38pm
Sorry for the pain you're going through. I'm at twelve weeks myself. The worst of the crying and gut-wrenching agony is over, but I still have days (like today) and moments where I'm overwhelmed with the loss. His decision to call it quits (coupled with cheating) completely stunned me...I feel like a zombie just going through the motions of living. I am getting better though, taking up my previous interests and treating myself to interesting outings etc. Like yourself, I am concerned about starting too soon with dating. I think you could take a chance on your new romantic interest IF you keep it light. I personally don't recommend going out for an alcoholic drink to start out...it's usually an atmosphere that encourages intimacy and sex right off the bat. Plus, you want your brain and emotions operating at their best and they won't be if you have alcohol in your system. I'd keep meetings short and public and in the daytime...coffee, a museum, a ballgame or ??? You're in a very vulnerable position right now and you need to protect yourself above everything else. Also, go to the library or bookstore and get "Why Men Love Bitches" and "He's Scared, She's Scared." Other readers on this site have recommended them too. They're excellent sources of information and advise for your situation. Good luck...
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 6:27pm
Thanks for the advice, I'm pretty sure that I'll do something about it. I just get the impression that if I sit around on my own feeling sorry for myself, it's hardly going to help me. But there's the other side of it too where I still love my ex (I really hate that) and the thought of entertaining the idea of dating and all that comes with it is a scary thing. It's a big step that I'll have to make but I just want to be sure that I'm ready for it. Any more advice would be great! xxxx
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 6:37pm
I've found this board very comforting in the worst times. I've not always posted anything but when I've felt so alone with the pain I'm going through, I've read some of the posts on here and it's made me realise that this is a situation that happens to so many people. I'm like you with the good and (very) bad days. When I met up with the ex a few weeks ago, even though he was friendly enough, he just appeared to not be bothered about what he did. He didn't cheat but the way he broke up with me was pretty unforgivable really. I know that his heart isn't broken but I would think that he wouldn't be so empty about what he's done.
I think I will meet up with this other guy, perhaps for a coffee or something. I really don't want to be stifled at the moment and the thought of the whole 'getting to know someone' is quite exhausting at the moment but if it goes anywhere, things will go slowly. xxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
In reply to:
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 8:47pm

I broke up with my bf about eight weeks ago. His idea. He still wants contact though and recently suggested that he still wants me(sexwise I think)! I still love him greatly. I did go out and dated a little(not at all seriously) shortly after we broke up. Mainly it was just something I had to do for myself to keep myself distracted. I recommend dating if only just to get your mind of things. Just be sure to let the other person know if you're not interested in serious dating. Good Luck!

Kim

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 7:41am
Hi Kim, thanks for the advice. I feel better about the idea of going for a coffee with this guy now. He has been in a similar situation recently so I think that we're on the same wave-length. I was just worried that as I'm not completely over the ex it would be wrong to date again but maybe it will help the process? xxx