should i send the email?
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| Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:12am |
so wow... 12 hours ago i never thought id be here... this is all a huge shock to me. i met a guy about 6 months ago and we started dating... things were great and we dated for a few months.. then i moved away for business for a couple months and we decided to call things off.. about a month and a half into it (maybe a month ago) i get a call from him and we end up talking for hours every night and agree to try to make things work since wed be together soon enough... we kept it somewhat low key but things did start to get more and more serious and i wa so excited cause we were supposed to finally be together in 10 days when i get back for good.... well last night i get a call out of the blue and hes saying he doesnt want this anymore- that hes falling for me too much and since hes leaving for good in 10 months (hes military)- hed rather get out now because he thinks hes going to keep getting deeper and deeper into this and its going to be 100x harder to say good bye- and that he just cant see getting into a serious relationship that he knows has to come to an end... he said that he didnt really think about that until yesterday when something came up and made him think about his future and that he decided for sure that this ending was the best thing... then he said when he talked to me it made him unsure and now hes taking 2 weeks (the time until i get back) to "think"- were not supposed to be talking or anything... i called him about an hour after we hung up and left a message because i realized i never asked if there was someone else involved- maybe not the best move but if not going to bother givving him his 2 weeks if hes deciding between me and someone else- well he hasnt called me back anyways so i havent gotten an answer to that... although i dont really think there is, but i cant take the phone call back...... but back to what he said- i agree things will be harder to say goodbye in 10 months.. but i feel like weve already invested enough in eachother that its a waste to not give it a shotn and i think a great relationsihp for 10 more months is worth getting hurt for.. he said hes not so sure he wants to get hurt after something like that
what i want to know is if i should send him an email- i know what he said about "liking me too much" isnt BS like i would normally think... because he calls(ed) me every night saying how much he missed me, couldnt wait to see me.. blahblah.. but the thing is were crazy about eachother- we get along so great and i dont think ive ever been so compatible with anyone... and i want to tell him this..... and i couldnt really formulate that, or any comprehensible thought when we were talking...... but since hes taking his space is it a bad idea to send him an email or should i do it and get my thoughts out rationally?......and is there really any chance it will help things?

Wow, this is a tough one. On the one hand, it'd be great to get your intentions and feelings out on the table so he can make an informed decision. On the other hand, you want to respect his wishes about the time period.
Here's what I'd suggest. At the end of the two weeks (maybe a day before), I would shoot him the e-mail you are speaking of, saying, I've respected your wishes for space and time to think but I want you to know my intentions and feelings so you can make an informed decision. And talk about how though you know a separation would be hard when he's deployed (is it a temporary thing or is he going to be stationed somewhere else for years?), you're happy to see where this goes over the next few months and if necessary, continue and support him from afar.
That way you don't feel bad about violating the perimeters he's set but at the same time, you've gotten everything off your chest and can feel better about it. Then, no matter which way it goes, you did your best.
Good luck!
Pesky.
I am all for getting everything out on the table. If you feel that you should send him and email explaining yourself and how you feel, then do it. Otherwise you will have regrets later in life. You dont want to go your whole life wondering, What if I sent him that email? What if I would have told him my true feelings? Maybe things would be different. If they dont change, hey, at least you let him know.
I did that, and I feel better knowing that I expressed myself and how I felt about the situation. I didnt want to go on, keeping everything inside. I told him and he knows, the thoughts are in his head now. I can sleep easier.
I think you should let him know how you feel about the situation. The relationship involved you too and it is only fair. Dont be harsh or mean to him, just put it all out there. Dont expect anything back, just say what you are feeling to let him know. Because then, he WILL know..
Then pray,
-blessed1
I think the general rule of thumb when dealing with whether to call/email after someone has made it clear that they want the contact to stop for a little, is if it's already been said or informed to him in any way, respecting his wishes and maintaining distance is the best thing you can do. YOu agreed to it (giving him the space) and while you can tell him everything you're feeling, it's his thoughts he needs to get clear, not yours. Sometimes, I think we feel like the guy needs our imput to really make the "right" decision, but he knows that you care for him and want to be with him - that's the pertinent information and anything else is just trying to make your case which is something you really shouldn't have to do with someone you're with. If you have to convince someone to be with you, they may not be the right person for you. If he is, he'll figure that out on his own and nothing you can do or say will change that. As long as he knows that you want to be with him, you really can't do much else.
It's two weeks, which seems like a lifetime when you really want to be with someone, but is really the time he needs to get a grip on things. Why not give him the space to do that? You already tried to call him and he didn't call you back which seems to indicate that he really needs the time and would like you to respect that. At least when you get to talk to him, it'll be in person.
Good luck with everything.