Should i stay or go??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Should i stay or go??
5
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:47pm
I am still currently living with my companion of 4 years, he broke up w/me last week and its just to hard for me to actually leave etc.. I keep begging, crying, telling him im sorry and that i can change and we can work it out, but he just keeps telling me we are here because of you and not trusting me, and i dont want to talk it about it anymore. I do have a trust issue w/him where it started im not sure.. it mostly shows when he hangs out with his female friends and i just blurt stuff out, that i do regret later. But he says the damage is done, we broke up for a 6month period and i did the whole begging, crying, etc.. and he would not take me back until i finally had to move and when that happened thats when he wanted me back and would interfere w/that relationship. I have worked on my issues, but it seems like not to his standards. I am so scared to go through what it took me 6 months to get over AGAIN!! I would not have said yes to him if i thought this was going to happen again.. Please help! everyone is telling me im stupid for fighting for something that he does not want. Should I stay? Should I move on?? Just need advice
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:20pm

You should definitely move on...and the longer you wait to leave, the longer it's going to take you to do that. You're beating a dead horse here, sorry.

You're just not right for each other...if you were, he'd be fine with whatever level of insecurity you have and/or you'd be fine with his female friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:23pm
Sadly i know a bit of what you are going thru where you want something more than someone else seems to want it. I've done the crying asking for second chance hey look things can change but in the end i haven't gotton anything more so the friendship of my best friend (we also dated for 4 years most long distance n lived together for a short while). I'm now thousands of miles away with belongings at his placed when i lived there and i know that the only way to move on is to get them though he says he doesn;t want to see me...same with you by moving out you are placing that final okay things are really over notion on the situation. The thing with guys it seems is that they can only see thigns their way as long as pride and ego are in the way. But if you ahve cried and pleaded and he has still said no then perhaps its time to move on as hard as it is because in the end when you look back at it you are lowering yourself to do something you would normally not do to try and win him back but he has to see what he is losing but more importantly want to give it a another chance on his own without feeling forced into it...time would either heal or present you with another opportunity if you both think it might work....thats my two cents
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:01pm

hi hawaiianpie

if you love him control your emotions. look i'm a female i have a bestfriend his a male and his married. we been very closed friend for 7yrs now. we hug and we kiss in the cheek. but we never put meaning with it. we both respect each other. i even say i love you too him than saying it to my bf. but doesnt mean that i love him coz i want him...i love him coz his my best friend. actually its better to be friend with your opposite sex than same one. coz there's always an issue!!!

well your lucky that his going out more with female FRIENDS that guy FRIENDS...coz you know why? GUY FRIENDS WILL TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE THAT HAD MORE TEMPTATION...YOU KNOW GUYS ARE!!! COMPARE TO FEMALE FRIENDS THERE THE ONE WILL TELL HIM IF HIS DOING WRONG AND MAKE HIM GUILTY...COZ OFCOURSE THERE FEMALE SO THEY KNOW THE FEELINGS...

so like i said TRUST HIM. ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE. THINK THAT HE WILL NEVER FINE BETTER LADY THAN YOU ARE. THOSE KINDA ATTITUDE.

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:14pm

Hi Jazz Meeh,

Oh girl! have i tried trust me i have tried to control my emotions, but than its like i have diarrhea from the mouth, sorry to use that terminology but thats the best way to describe it. And you know what i have never looked at it that way as to if he was going to hang out with his guy friends than they might take him somewhere etc...

Seems like the only way i have been thinking is there cute girls and he automaticallly wants them, and thats where my insecurity issue comes in. I try to have good thoughts but i am living here still and he wont even say hi! when he comes home, and it seems like the only thing i have to talk about with him is whether hes going to give this another chance. But he keeps saying no! he says he does not believe me this time. He loves me but does not want to be with me. LOL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 12:47am

::and he would not take me back until i finally had to move and when that happened thats when he wanted me back and would interfere w/that relationship.

So he wants what he can't have....find your inner strength and cry privately and tell him while you disagree with his decision, you will honor it. Then get really into yourself - find out who you are (counseling if need be), work on your self-esteem. If you had all the confidence in yourself, you would know that you deserve better. His female friends, have you met them?

Reading material for you:
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
www.selfesteem4women.com

Don’t Call that Man – The Survival Guide to Letting Go – Rhonda Finding
Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher

If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy


Carrie