Should I stay or Should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Should I stay or Should I go?
1
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:05pm

This will be long so bare with.

I met this guy in September. I wasn't looking for anything because I was supposed to move out of state and I had a guy waiting for me in Miami. But, sparks flew. Miami got prolonged due to family issues and he and I continued to date. I had a vacation planned to Miami in October and I thought I should bring up the whole deal to my current beau. That ended OK but he disclosed he had a SON. Something he should of brought up before...but whatever I let it go since I didn't think it was fair to dump him based on a son - but not sharing that before I slept with him sucked. Then in November Miami Pre-BF decided he wanted to visit. I told him that I was seeing someone and that I wouldn't be open to any romance but would not mind showing him around San Fran since he had never been. He was OK with it. I told my current beau and he wasn't OK with it. I said too bad, he's coming down and I'm showing him around and if you don't trust me then forget it. He trusted.

After the Miami-BF came down in November things weren't going so well. He was pulling away and not being as responsive as before. So I ended it. We ended up back in contact a couple of weeks later - beginning of December, we both missed each other. We started hanging again and I asked if he had slept with anyone. He was honest and told me that he hadn't but did get oral. I let it go because we weren't together - BUT - it still bothered me. So, I decided to keep my dating options open at that point. Around the beginning of January I told him that I wasn't feeling the connection between us and that I was seeing other people. He said he understood but asked if there was a possibility of bringing it back. I stopped talking to the others and gave him a shot.

My parents moved away mid January, he came with me to the airport and that night we really connected. Things happened with some ups and down, I found old bras in his drawer and I ended it. I went out with another guy a few nights later and he happened to be at the same place. He pulled me aside and professed his love and called the owner of the bras to prove how old they were. We got together that night. We spent 18 days together non-stop. On April 3rd we went out with his friends and he exclaimed how much he loved me and then his best friend said "did you hear that?" I said yes and went about my business. At some point he takes off and disappears for 20 minutes and I was by myself. I tried hanging with his friends who I just met but was uncomfortable. Anyway...I ended up getting drunk, dancing crazy and giving my number to another guy with some lame excuse.

He didn't break up with me then, but he wanted to but said he loved me and couldn't. He said that he was going to be holding back his feelings though because he doesn't want to risk being hurt again. That it seems like every time something goes wrong I head to some other guy and he would be crazy to allow himself to experience that pain. He had a point and I didn't want to lose him so I apologized and changed my ways. Seriously, I know it sounds unrealistic but I am not doing it anymore.

Problem is. He lost that loving feeling. The connection went south. We tried going to the movies last week and I could feel it was gone. I felt like I was just hanging with a buddy and even the kiss was terrible. I talked to him after that and he expressed that he's hurt by everything extending back to the Miami guy, the guy at the bar after the bras, the guy I gave my # too, etc. and he can't pull it back. But we said we would work on it. He finally broke up with me on Friday.

I'm hurt. I love him. I want to be with him. I've expressed this and we still stay in contact but it's not the same. I have apologized, I have changed my ways and would love to have him back. I felt like I was being strung along these past couple of days and he had my stuff. So I decided to end this once and for all yesterday. I picked up my stuff because for me, the sooner the better. If it's over, it's over and let's both move on. However, I think there may be a twinge of hope and if there is, I would do anything to get it back. But I don't want to get annoying and needy and bug him with phone calls and pleas of affection and love. I've done enough since the last incident - i think.

Just to add...he hasn't been romantic enough in my opinion. I don't like that he doesn't see his son often. He spends his money like a jack ass and then complains he doesn't have enough to do nice things for me...

So what do I do? Any advice? Blunt honesty please. Should I stay or Should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:20pm
So I'm having a hard time now because I keep thinking about him. I really don't feel like he did too much wrong other than not respond to me often enough. He was a busy guy and was hanging with his friends and I didn't have that much going on other than work so I always wanted to hear from him and spend time with him. Not to mention that when my parents moved, he was my love outlet - so I was probably clingy...I don't know.....But I do miss him. I wonder if I'm just grieving the loss or him...