Should I stay or show I go?
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|Sat, 02-23-2013 - 9:44pm|
I am a 49 year old woman in a relationship with a 53 year old man. We live in a small town about 50 miles from the nearest city in the southeast. I have been with this man for almost 4.5 years. We met at a social event several years ago, began to email each other and started to date. He is a self employed CPA and I was laid off from my job of that I had almost 17 years, 4 years ago due to the economy. I went back to work last October and I have to drive almost 60 miles each way 5 days a week and work second shift. I leave the house around 10 am and get home about 9pm each day. He works out of the house and does remote contract work and mostly remote work for his tax clients. Most of his clients are in the city where we came from.
My BF was married before, had a nasty breakup and has two grown, married children. He has a brother, whom he has not spoken to in over 8 years. Both his parents are dead. The reason he moved to this small, dying town, is to be close to the memories of his ancestors, which I find odd and creepy. His life revolves around his dog, preserving and promoting his Confederate history and engaging in intellectually challenging conversation with anyone who challenges his views on the Confederacy. It is like he is stuck in the past, finds comfort in it and does not want to plan for the future, but just live for today. He has no savings, owes back taxes and his house is not paid for. Up until recently, he had no health insurance. He makes his living during the 3 short months during tax season. The rest of the year, he limps along financially. He threw away a chance to be a top financial officer at a major company many years ago because he could not handle the pressure of the job, in more ways than one. When his new boss, which he abhored, told him to take down his Confederate stuff in his office, that was the beginning of the end of his corporate career. When he told his x wife that he wanted to start his own business, she flew off the handle...It was the beginning of the end of that relationship too. He struggled with his own business and was barely able to sell it before 911 hit. He said he never recovered financially from his first marriage. Well, almost 10 years later, he is still struggling financially. He blames the economy than his lack of effort. He wants to stay in a town with no job opportunities for me. He would rather stay at home, in his office, while I risk life and limb going to work every day for little pay. Our situation goes on and on...
The many occasions, when it came to talking about money, it is like hitting a brick wall. He refuses to discuss it. He likes living in this dying town. He hated the city he from and wanted to get out of there for the peace and quiet of here. The long and short of it he basically said to me, 'I won't change. Either you are with me or you are not'. Talk about ultimatiems. It goes on. I feel trapped. He knows he has me. He knows I have no place to go. No friends. No family to take me in. I am one paycheck away from the street. Total abandonment. He said he would never do that to me. You know talk is cheap. I keep telling myself, that I have to remain level headed and hang on until I get a promotion or something at my job so I can support myself again...It is very scary for a single woman at my age...
I could go on and will...Help, advice and suggestions welcome. Thanks