Should I talk to the other woman??!?!?
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Should I talk to the other woman??!?!?
| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 5:41pm |
My boyfriend of a year got caught with the other woman by me. When I confronted them, I told her that we had been together a year and that did she ever wonder why she didn't come over to his house all the time and she said why, I told her cause I was always there. Anyways, now that all of this has come out, I have debated as to whether or not give her a letter and copys of pictures that proves he was dating us both at the same time. I have talked to her best friend and she says that the other woman is defending this guy, that he always has an excuse for whatever she asks. Her best friend has even told her that this guy was still stringing me along and that he is just lying to her. I just wonder, I busted him out at the restuarant and she was there, she should believe what she saw with her own two eyes. But now, I have this feeling that he is still seeing her even though he told me that he needed his space to figure out what he wants. Some people tell me not to talk to her, that it would just make the situation worse, but she deserves to know the truth of what he has done. There are other things that I have found out that deals with him trying to hook up with a third girl. I just don't know what to do. I have a feeling if I talk to her she will just run to him and tell him that his crazy ex girlfriend told her all these things. I just don't know what to do and need some advice. I just don't understand how she could sit there and actually go back to him after everything he has lied about and has done. I love him more than anything still after what he has done, but I don't want him back. What should I do?!?!? Please help me!

Interesting, especially if she's still seeing him. When I found out about my exes' other girlfriend, I emailed her and told her all about me. She didn't know anything about me. I was with him 8 years, she, 2 and a half. We actually spent all weekend swapping stories before we confronted him. Turned out he basically took turns with us. We both stayed over his place on a regular basis, went out with him, met family and he told both of us he loved us and was going to marry both of us.
We're now good friends and have comfort in each other when we had to confront him and end all ties. I think you should go ahead and try to contact this woman. If he's anything like my ex, he may be very manipulative and charismatic and having her believing a lie. Me or KS, the other woman do not regret finding out about each other because we were able to bust his ass and ruin things with the new girl he was moving in on.
If she still chooses to stay with a liar and a cheat like like, her problem!
I agree with Milton on this one...
Don't contact the other woman. She already knows about you AND she has her best friend telling her the truth about your ex as well. It's her choice whether she wants to believe & accept it or not.
Honestly, she'd probably think you were just a crazy ex. My now ex-boyfriend's old girlfriend got ahold of me once while we were still dating. She told me some very unpleasant things about him--how he still called her & told her he loved her, how he had cheated on her, etc. And while I now believe that she was telling me the truth because he's done the same kind of stuff to me (and a part of me wishes I had listened to her), I really didn't appreciate hearing it. It hurt a LOT. We had never met and she was basically a complete stranger to me, except for what my ex had told me about her in the past.
Another thing--my ex REALLY hated her for doing that. We got into a big fight over it and he blamed her. Even though we made up (he managed to convince me that she was just crazy and had been making stuff up because she still wanted him), I don't think he ever quite forgave her for that. And even though he's your ex and he's hurt you, why bother hurting him? I think Milton is right about you just wanting revenge...and while it's perfectly understandable to feel angry, you should be the better, bigger person here.
Believe me, I've had lots of urges to contact my ex's new girlfriend and tell her all about what a jerk he is. I've wanted to inform her of the fact that he tried to keep me around for the first month or so he was dating her (he told me he loved me, wanted me to come visit when she wasn't around, etc), and that he's a cheater/liar and very manipulative. But I've decided against it. I don't know her, I don't want to hurt her, and I don't have a desire to hurt my ex, no matter what he's done to me. Who he is will be something she is going to have to figure out on her own time, in her own way. And who knows, maybe my ex has changed his ways...maybe this is the right girl for him. It's none of my business.
Hey,
My bet is that the other girl is going through exactly what you’re going through. I’m sure she’s been asking him questions and he’s lied to her. He’s probably been telling her that he broke up with you, but you can’t just let go and want to ruin things for them and Lord knows what else, just to spare his a**. Well, probably the affair won’t last. She’s obviously developed doubts and can’t trust him. Coz even if she chooses to stay, she knows you might still be into him and maybe he into you, it’ll make her into an insecure wreck and she won’t help but keep on wondering if he’s with you when he’s not with her. She'll be thinking maybe you forgave him and that he might still be seeing you and just being extra careful about it not coming out in the open, like he tried with her.
My advice is, leave him and her alone. Leave with your pride and just go and cry it out. After a while, it won’t hurt as much and before you know it, it won’t hurt at all. Talking to the other girl will make him feel like a hero and he is just not!
Be strong and let it go. It’s so hard, I know but you’ll heal soon enough and I’m so sure there’s a guy out there just so perfect for you. Don’t let this situation hurt you anymore. You loved, you lost and now it’s time to leave it behind you.