Should I tell him I'm leaving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Should I tell him I'm leaving?
5
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 9:35pm

A while ago I posted a message saying that I was thinking of joining the Army Reserves. Well, I'm about 95% sure at this point that I'm going to and if everything goes as planned then I should be leaving on Jan 22 for about 6-7 months of training.

I've been told that boot camp can be really hard on people and the best thing can be letters from friends and family. You probably know where I'm going with this.. I'm wondering if I should let my ex know that I'm leaving and give him my address in case he wants to write me? It's been about 2 weeks of NC - the last attempt of contact between us was on my part when I IMed to ask him if he had a paper of mine but he never wrote me back. I also sent him an email and he didn't reply to that either. He's been on vacation from work for a while so I'm not sure whether or not he's there and just ignoring me or if he's vacationing somewhere with his new gf. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but we were together for 7 years and broke up only a month ago so I would think that not talking to me for 6 months that he MUST miss me, right?

Just to let you know - I'm not joining the Army because of him. It's been something that I've been interested in and I figured it's one of those things that I should take advantage of while I'm still single. (But I am also hoping that it will make him miss me and see that I'm stronger than he thinks I am.)

I know I probably shouldn't tell him at all - but, again, maybe this is just hopeful thinking.. My older sister joined the army several years ago after her boyfriend broke up with her. They were together for about 4-5 years and she joined because she thought it would make him miss her. It worked. He wrote her several times a week and even drove halfway across the country to attend her graduation. He finally left her alone when she met another guy in the army and got married.

I'm really torn about what to do.. like, I want to see his reaction when I tell him what I'm doing but I don't want him to think that I'm doing it because of him. But, I wonder if I should just go and tell him when I get back and act like it was nothing. I think it would really boost my mood if he wrote to me while I was there (hopefully telling me how much he misses me) but I'm afraid that I might obsess about it like I do with checking my email - "No new messages" is so difficult for me.

Sorry this post is so long.. thanks for reading it. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 10:12pm
I don't think that I would invite him to write. You will need to focus your energy on your job and new environment. Having the added stress of if he's writing or not and what he's saying may be too much. Just my 2 cents. And good luck in the Army!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 10:33pm
Thanks for the reply.. you're probably right. Do you think I shouldn't even tell him that I'm going or tell him but not give him my address?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 11:33pm

I don't think you should contact him at all right now. When you're ready to be friends, you can email him and let him know how to get in touch with you.

If he REALLY wants to reach you in the meantime, he'll find a way.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:48pm

Hmm, let me give you an answer from the other side.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 7:25pm
Thank you so much - I appreciate any advice that anyone gives me on this but it's even better to hear it from someone that has been there before. I'm going to just try to focus on my determination to do well in training and use this as a "vacation" from the painful environment that I've been in since we broke up. My sister has told me that I will be so busy and tired in Basic that I won't even have time to think about him - I hope she's right. I'm looking forward to really accomplishing something big on my own - I think it will be a good boost to my confidence and independence. And yeah, it wouldn't hurt either if I looked a little better when I get home :) thanks again, it's much appreciated!