Should I write back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Should I write back?
2
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 12:09pm

So my boyfriend and I broke up the other night. He was basically saying that he couldn't make me a priority because he has all these other more important things going on in his life and doesn't know what he wants, etc. Anyways, he just sent me this email:

"I love you
I like you
I care about you
I respect you
I admire you
I desire you

I'm sorry I've been so selfish. You are an incredible person and I know you will find someone who will be right for you. I hope we can still hang out sometimes. I miss you already."

Do I write back to this? When I first started reading it, it sounded like he was regreting what happened and I was expecting him to say "and I really want to try and make this work" or something to that effect, but then I got to the "I know you will find someone else" part and that just made me mad, as if he's saying "you're great, just not great enough for me." I'm sure he was trying to be nice and to make me feel better, or at least he was trying to make himself look better, but I'm tempted to write back and tell him that all that really doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't want to be with me, and no we can't still hang out sometime. Or is it better to just not write back at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:00pm

Dear anabells11 -
I think of course you should not write back but that is what we are expected to say. It will only be harder if you remain contact with someone who is obviously not ready for the love you have to give. My b/f told me the same kind of thing and I got to thinking if I am such an "amazing/special woman" then why isn't he trying harder for the relationship. If something really is great and amazing, you wouldn't let go right? Anyway in the end you will do what you want and if you decide to write him back I would recommend not responding with anger or hurt even if you want to and try to just let him know that if it is over then it has to be over. I hope this didn't sound harsh. Everyday it might get easier or maybe seem a little bit harder but in the end just remember you deserve someone that not only thinks your amazing but treats you amazing and gives you the love you deserve. Just Breathe :-)

Nakita

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 5:17pm

You don't have to reply. As for sending an unpleasant reply, well the answer might depend on who you ask. Just speaking for ME and no one else, I have found that I later regret it each time I indulge my darker side. You can say angry words now, but how will you feel about it one year from now?

We all have an excellent chance of living a very long time. :-) There is a chance that someday you will find yourself saying good bye to a man who is a really great person, but just not what you need right now. When that day comes, you will think back to today, and remember whether you responded to this message, and how.