shoulda seen it comin
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| Wed, 07-20-2005 - 3:54pm |
I am no stranger to these boards.. been here on and off about 1 1/2 years... the final straw... got my man back or so i thought....he contacted me in Feb., told me he loved me and thought about me the whole time he was with his girl and was leaving her( just didn't say it was to be with me..guess i assusmed). Left his girl in June got his own place and i thought i was on cloud nine and ready to start my life with him over again...and he told me he loved me constantly and daily- I left to go on vacation from June 28-July 2nd- got back and he told me that the time away( of which he did not call me any day) gave him the chance to be alone and he decided that he did not want to be with anyone and wanted to be alone instead. Do i believe him , I'm not sure ...is he seeing her again- maybe.. should i care------
Ihave been doing NC since July 10 when he called to say he was sorry and didn't want to cause me any more pain. He said that he thought that the only reason he said he wanted to be with me again was because he was afraid that someone else might want to be with me...god that is pathetic.....He wants to enjoy his new apartement and the freedom that he has to not have to deal with anyone--or me-- i guess.
at first i thought i could change his mind--- you know stay in his life and remind him of how much he cares for me but then he said this" i could only call him at work, don't call him at home because he is weak" doesn't that sound like some cheesey line......Yes, I still love him but i need to walk aways from this crazyness .. i have been dealing with this since 2003 and my heart can't take any more... I thought maybe to wait and see if he comes to his senses and acknowledges that he really does love me but maybe i need to come to my senses and acknowledge that he really doesnt!!!!!

I don't believe in bad people, but I believe that dynamics between people might just not work - they might be on different pages in their lifes. The most important thing is not to think how to change him, but if your needs are met. If they are not, move on and never look back. Because at the end, it's all about you and no one else. I am not going to say that there is plenty of fish in the sea (ouppps, I just did :), at the moment, it's probably won't make any difference, but look outside - the sun is shining, it will be another beautiful day and be happy, because no one will ever make you happy, except yourself. A lot of men I've met and heard about (maybe it's common) always want to keep someone on the side, like a possibility of when they get bored or lonely, but if a person really truly loves you, well, not exactly, let me restate it:
we all have fears and if someone fears don't allow him to do something about it, it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM - you have your life. You will meet the person who is grounded and honest enough to commit to you and admire you and love you and respect you.
"don't call me at home" - is just truly pathetic. I noticed that men can lie pretty well! (well, I guess some women too). For example, when I went on a break with my bf - I asked him about this girl he met, if there is any chance they could hit it off - he looked straight into my eyes (and they were talking and writing to each other already a couple of times per day...) and said affirmatively "no". The next day, after we took a break and were supposed to be thinking of our relationship - he started dating her...
Let him be. Frankly, I don't think you should be with him - it sounds like he just checking out grounds and don't see many feelings involved..
Good luck!