shouldn't have done this, but.......
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shouldn't have done this, but.......
| Wed, 02-23-2005 - 3:53pm |
i know, i know i'm going to get yelled at for invading his privacy and for contacting, but before we start bashing me, please help me with what to do next. i had not been in contact with my x in over a week after a 2 yr break up ended 2 weeks ago. i caved in and text messaged him and he asked me not to talk to him right now because it was too hard for him to be friends right away. i obliged and did not contact him any further. then he contacted me 2 days later as he was going out of the country on vacation. he said he wanted to be friends in the future, but couldn't do it now. he continued to text message about how he missed me, etc. then he sent me an email while being on vacation about how he was thinking of me. he asked if i was happy with the decision i made and i said yes. i then did something i shouldn't have done. i ckd his voicemail because i have his access code. i have never done this before. partly because i didn't remember that i had the code. i heard this girl on there, who he swore he was just friends with, and barely friends with. this new friend of his was a friend of his friends who was new in town and he said she didn't have many friends so he was just being nice. i expressed concern about this girl prior to breaking up with him and he said i was being paranoid and that they are just friends. well, she was on his voicemail about 7 times saturday night and the last message she is asking if he is going to come over, this last message was left at 2 in the morning. i immediately reacted and emailed him and told him that he wasn't being honest with me about their frienships and that my suspicions were correct and would he please quit contacting me with his sad lamenting messages. i sent him 2 emails both with similar messages, but with significanlty less info because i figured he get the other one first. well, he didn't get the other one yet, so now he has no idea what i'm talking about. it's my own fault for checking his messages and now i just want to deal with the pain that he has found someone to move on so quickly with and be done with all of it. can anyone help start the process of moving past this? i have been obsessively checking my email just to see if he's emailed me back. i truly don't want to know anymore and don't want to be with him, but why can't i stop wondering if he's going to write back? i can't get my head and my heart on the same page. help i'm struggling.

Lightning Bulb,
Sorry to hear that you got yourself into this predicament. Sometimes, you have to be careful what you wish for.
I think you wanted to affirm your suspicion of your ex and the other girl. What throws me is that the eavesdropping happened while the ex was on vacation, right? So, why would the girl who you suspected was helping him "move on so quickly" call 7 times while he is away? Wouldn't she *know* that he wouldn't answer the phone? It being Saturday, could she have been under the influence to have called at 2:00 am? It would seem to me that a new girlfriend would have an idea what time zone the boyfriend is in. Something doesn't quite fit right, and it could be that this family friend is just that, a family friend.
Yes, you made a BIG boo-boo. I would suggest you put aside your hopes of receiving a reply to your scathing emails. It is not that you broke his trust, but that you invaded his privacy. Please send him a letter of apology. Not just the "I'm sorry," you need to tell him what you did wrong, why you did it, and that you won't do it again. I think this may assuage some of your very bad feelings that you are having. Relieving some of it may allow you to think more clearly about moving on.
We are pulling for you, lightening bulb. Hope things go well.
Mimiche
just for clarification.....she called saturday and he didn't leave to go out of town til monday. he was still in town on saturday when she called and in her myriad of messages she stated she was returning his phone calls too.
i know i shouldn't have checked his messages and i'm not doing it anymore. i don't want to know anymore than i already do. i just want to get past this, but knowing what i know helps me not to want to reconcile with him. if i didn't know this, i might give in to his emails and text messages and want to discuss a reconcilliation. i would then be adding the stress of wondering what kind of "frienship" these two share while i'm dating this man. i want to be with someone i can trust and vice versa for him. i know checking messages is a lack of trust and an invasion of privacy, it's something i wouldn't have done if i didn't feel it was warranted. like i said, i've known his password for nearly a year and never once checked until now. i won't do it again, i've learned my lesson. i just want to go back to n/c with him and move past this.
thanks.
Lightening Bulb,
Thanks for the clarification. This changes things a bit.
You are wise to go with the n/c. You seemed to have learned a painful lesson about your ex and yourself. Please stay strong. I doubt the problems that ended your relationship have disappeared overnite. We're here for you.
Mimiche