Sick & Heartbroken
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| Mon, 07-04-2005 - 11:52am |
I really just need to get a lot of stuff off of my chest. I broke up with my BF on Friday, we've been together for over 3 years. I am so sick to my stomache and I can't stop crying, I can't eat. I am just a complete mess. I cry myself to sleep and I wake up the same why.
Let me tell you what happened. I am 26, he's 25. We are both living at our parent's house. I moved back here about a year and a half ago to save some money. He knew I wanted more from this relationship. I feel like three years is a long time. Back in January I was going to buy a house. He asked me to wait until the summer, until he was ready. So I compromised with him and I waited. I started emailing him some listings and he seemed really interested, we talked about it a lot and I really thought this was going to happen. Friday, he just yelled out at me that he's not ready yet. Well, I had it. I told him it was over. Everything just seemed to come together at one time. He told me a year ago that we would be engaged soon, we're still not. He told me he wanted to move in with me and his famous line, "I'm not ready" started to kick in.
The hardest part is that I believed he was the one. I was ready to start spending my life with him. He believe I broke up with him over a house but it is so much more then that. He is so afraid of commitment. He is so afraid of what horrible things could happen that he doesn't want to look at the good. He can't even give me a reason on why he isn't ready. I thought if you are with somebody for this long, you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, this should not be so hard and it is.
What broke my heart even more is that he went out Saturday night with his friends. He is best friends with my cousin. He got himself so drunk that he hooked up with a girl, one that he knows I would have never wanted him too because she has been flirting with him a lot lately. He regrets it he says, but it felt like he cheated on me. He could have been more upset with himself but I never thought I could be so disappointed in him. I just never believed he could do that to me.
I really wished we could work things out. I love him so much and I know he loves me. We talked for almost 5 hours last night and he just doesn't seem to want to see my point at all. All he hears is house and all I see is that he afraid to make a commitment. After three years and after I waited when he asked me too.
I really don't know what to do with myself at this point. All of my friends are married and have kids and don't go out anymore. I don't want to become this hermit. I really would have like him to not be so afraid but I also don't want his to feel like I am pressuring him. I just can't take him keep telling me to wait until he's ready. What if that isn't for another 2 years. I'll be 28 at that point. I always thought I'd be married by 28.
If you have any advise on house to get over this I would really appreciate it.

I understand what you mean about it feeling like he cheated on you. That's how I feel too. He broke it off two days before a Vegas trip we had planned. I made myself be VERY strong and went anyway. I went dancing and guys approached me and I couldn't even dance with them because I felt guilty. You need to keep busy. I know easier said than done ESPECIALLY when all of your friends "have a life" with kids and spouses. Don't feel bad my very few friends are all taken and have kids too. I'm actually eating about two meals now a day. Stopped crying myself to sleep about a week ago. I tried talking to him and seeing if we could work things out and he refuses. You will be fine. Just don't call him and wait for him to call you. And even then don't answer every time. You need to let him know that you have a life and aren't dwelling over him (even though you are). They like the security of knowing that you're at home crying for them and will be at their feet when they call your name.
Don't be in a hurry for kids and marriage. I was always like that too (he definately is not). I hate to admit this but I haven't been single for 9 and a half years. And remember I'm only 23. I am going to try and stay single as long as possble. See what's out there. I do love him very much, but I will find somebody that will spend more time with me and not have to go out every night and not come home til 3 or 5 in the morning. You will too. There will be somebody that will want the same as you do. Is this your only serious relationship that you have been in? I know all this sounds like I'm just saying it to make you feel better, but that's what my friends thought I was thinking when they tell me all this too. It will get better. You can only take it day by day. What really sucks for me is we work at the same place. That just makes it that much harder. Hardly anybody knows we're apart and I dread when somebody asks me about him or where is he at. It really sucks. But life goes on.
You need to take care of yourself. I used to be suicidal in my first relationship and was so depressed all the time and never ate or consumed anything. I was down to 98 pounds and almost passed out at work. (he was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive). But just this last bf really helped me with my self esteem and I have confidence in myself. I do feel like I would just fall off the face of the Earth, but I realize how much I would hurt my mom and brother.
Well, I better stop now. I could go on forever. I hope I helped a little bit. Please respond and let me know how you're doing. If you're having a break down, I'll be here. :) I'm new to this whole message board thing, but signed up today after I read your story. I hope I can find this again. Be strong. PS. I'm from Southern California, where are you from?