*sigh* it sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
*sigh* it sucks.
4
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 3:26pm

i had a relationship end in january and i haven't seen him since then. we emailed a few times, and i feel i've started to move on. i've been seeing a really great guy for about 3 months now.

last night, i saw my ex for the first time. i knew he'd be there; i told him it wouldn't bother me. my current bf was there too.

i ended up bawling my eyes out because just listening to his voice hit me deep. i guess i'm not over him at all. maybe i still love him. i had no idea i'd react that way, i didn't think it would be that hard.

and then i have this great guy who treats me like gold.....sees me still mourning this loss....says he hopes he's not a rebound guy.....and i don't think he is, but i just don't have the feelings there. i think i'm wasting his time.

i dont think i can love for a long time. i thought he was *it*.....
and i hate this because i had all these great plans for my life and i keep having to start over from scratch.....and possibly hurt others in the process.

i dont regret being with him, being engaged and deliriously happy....but right now, i wish i'd never risked all that. because it hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 4:11pm

Welcome to the board dearkittykatty,


Yeah that sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:12pm

Aw babe! i know how you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 12:46am
OH no!! I HATE that feeling. The heart in your throat, stomach in knots, sweaty, shaky HELL that is seeing your ex for the first time in a long time. I've been there. My new boyfriend was very supportive and tried to help me move past those feelings. But it took a LONG time. It really did. I think if it didn't take a long time, then it would mean that we hadn't truly loved the other person and that would be sad in a different way. Try to think of all the things you learned from the relationship and how it has made you a better person today; sometimes you learn even more from the breakup than from the relationship itself. I guess the question is... are you ready to move on? Your new boyfriend sounds very supportive and understanding (definite signs of a keeper) but you're the only one who really knows if you're ready to be in a new relationship. Personally, I believe it's possible to have deep feelings for two people at the same time but only when the feelings are moving in opposite directions (ie. feelings for one are leaving as feelings for the other are coming in). My mom used to say to me when I'd go to her crying... "this too shall pass". And it's true. Time is the only thing that heals these things. Be patient with yourself. :) *BIG HUG*
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:31pm

I have learned many things from the many breakups I've had to endure, and I'm hoping they make me a better person.

I'm happy, in a way, that it upsets me that much.....because that tells me I truly did love him, like you said. I've thought I loved all the guys I dated....but this one feels different. It's too bad that it ended so long ago. I thought the year we tried to work it out was enough time to mourn, but I guess not.

I had told him it wouldn't bother me if we went to the same events....but that I wasn't sure how I'd act towards him. I didn't expect even a "hello" but I also didn't expect all that pain to resurface.

I've usually figured out, after a breakup, why a guy isn't for me. And I can be certain of it. This time around.....I'm still in limbo--1.5 yrs after the engagement ended and 10 months after the relationship ended for good. There are a couple things about him that I'm glad I'm rid of....but that still doesn't make me sure he wasn't the right person for me. Everything else was there.

This new guy....he's got what my ex has and more....and not those 2 things I disliked. He's already said he loves me. I'm probably not ready to be in a serious relationship, I was perfectly happy being single, but this guy is too good to pass up. I think I need to ask him if we need to talk about this past weekend, about how upset I got. He tried to talk about it that night, but I said I couldn't. But this whole experience has brought up many things.....to think about at the very least.

If you love someone, you know it--no doubt. If you're hesitant to say yes or no, then you probably don't. Right?