Single at Last - Making Lists /Moving On

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Single at Last - Making Lists /Moving On
3
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 1:18pm

I broke up with my boyfriend of nine months this week. I've been a relationship hopper all of my life, so this is actually the first time I've been without a boyfriend or husband in over 22 years (YIKES)! I think July 4 was an appropriate day to end it - single at last!

I realize that I need to be single for a while this time, so I'm breaking old patterns of immediately hooking up with a replacement guy. It's going to be tough getting through this because I really do care about this man. We've had a VERY rocky relationship, almost from the beginning. We regularly had the breakup talk (usually me) and each time we ended up deciding to stay together to work on our issues.

One thing that's helping me to get over it this time (and to stick to my decision) is that I've made a list of all the things about him I don't like. I was totally shocked to come up with over 50 things! Isn't that pathetic?? No wonder we've had such a rocky relationship. I knew we had our differences, but FIFTY?? Wow! That was a real eye opener. If that doesn't keep me from going back, I don't know what will. How sad that almost everything on the list was significant - I'm not talking about petty complaints here. If I added those up, I'll bet I could come up with close to 100! Unbelievable. Writing on paper definitely helps me to see things more clearly. What was I thinking?

I do have many mixed emotions about this breakup since I still love and care about him, but I think this is going to be the best thing for both of us. So, here's to being single and independent and to making better choices in the future (and don't forget to make a list or two)!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 1:54pm
I've also been making a list. Mine is mostly about things my ex did that I didn't like or things he did that hurt me. It also includes things I didn't like about him, like his back hair. :=) My list is now up to 70 items. It sure does help to look at it when I'm feeling down that we're not together anymore and when I really miss him. Good luck to you with healing. Deciding to take some time alone between relationships is important, and it's a good think you've realized that. Welcome to the boards.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 3:32pm

If it helps, (or maybe helps someone else), you may want to post that list on Sandra's new thread
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=20476.1&ctx=0

It's good to see what other people write as well... (not that it's good they went thru this, just good to know you're not alone!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 1:05am

Welcome to the board :)

Myspace Codes