Single life - day one . . .
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| Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:22am |
It finally happened, in a way I knew it had been coming for ages, but in another way it was still a shock. I won't bore you with the details, but we were arguing (as usual), and he said I should move out for a few days. At this point I usually got all upset and started apologising etc, but this time, I agreed, and I left.
I'm so tired of all the fighting and all the crap that causes it. I just thought, 'why'? I felt like I was putting in so much effort but he was making it so hard for us to just be together and be happy. No matter what I did it never seemed to be enough - and he seemed to love pushing me further and further to see how long it would take to make me snap and lose my temper. I didn't this time - I managed to walk away with my dignity - no crying, begging or screaming, and I'm really proud of myself. I realise that in any relationship you have to 'modify' yourself and your behaviour a little bit, but I felt like he wanted me to be a different person entirely.
Well, now I'm single, and truth be told I'm a bit uppy-downy at the moment. One second I do miss him - it was so hard sleeping on my own for the first time in months - then the next second I'm thinking 'screw him I'm fab, he's clearly a complete loser who's never going to find someone as good as me . . etc etc'.
Well, at the moment I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't have time to think about it - I'm not sure if that's a good plan or not - will 'avoiding it', so to speak, mean it will be even worse later on? Today I'm going to write an essay, clean my room and my flat, go to the gym, then tonight I'm going out with some friends. I'm quite looking forward to getting back to some 'me' time, doing what I want and when, without it causing an argument and not having to justify my behaviour to anyone but myself.
I'm a little bit worried that when I finally see him - and I've got a feeling it will happen sooner rather than later - all these good plans I have will just fall apart and I will turn into a train wreck of an emotional mess.
Thanks for listening - if you got this far! lol. Any comments would be much appreciated.
Ms xxx

Thanks for the reply - day two, and I'm a bit hungover, but fine!
I was just wondering though. . .
We had our problems and we split up - but we never really said why we split up if you see what I mean. Should I ask him for a 'reason' to try and get some sort of closure, or should I just accept that things didn't work out just because it wasn't meant to be?
Any advice, comments, suggestions would be much appreciated
Ms xxx
sincerely,
km2004:)