sleepless nights are killing me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
sleepless nights are killing me
3
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:12am

It's been two weeks since my ex of 4 years split with me. The end is for the best but I am not doing well. He has found a sex fling but wants to be friends still. Fortunately we do not live in the same city so I can avoid him. It is a clean break but he was my life partner for 4 years! I cannot sleep at all and am exhausted. Either I go to bed early and wake up and stay up til the crack of dawn or I wake around 4 AM and am up for the day. I wake up and start ruminating. I get a terrible sick pang in my heart area with heat radiating into an anxiety type feeling. This happened one other time when I split with an a fling. I know something is up and need to sort this all out.

The thought stopping idea is great but not working.

Please help. I cannot take drugs.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:10am

What you're going through is very normal. It usually takes a few weeks for my sleep patterns to normalize. It will happen, it just takes time.

If you can, force yourself to get out and exercise in the mornings...it will help remove some of that hyper, ruminating energy. Also, one of my best friends swears that taking a B vitamin complex is good for stopping ruminating. I've never really found it to work, but B vitamins are good for you, anyway, so it's worth a shot to see if it works for you!

You say it's a clean break, but you also say he wants to be friends, so I'm not clear if you are talking to him or not. No contact is crucial to getting better right now.

And the key to the thought-stopping technique is consistency. I have found it takes a good week or so of consistently doing it (100s of times a day at first) for me to see an improvement...but once I do, it's usually quite dramatic. I will notice, all of a sudden, oh, my gosh, I haven't thought about my ex for hours.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:10pm
I run 2-6 miles a day. It helps. We have contact still. I got thru 5 days but now that I know he is sleeping with someone I broke that and call daily. It is all an insecurity thing. And most calls S^%$. I am going to see a therapist tomorrow as I need help. I will try the thought stopping tonight again...it drains me..
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:19pm

Ah, ok, that helps explain why the thought-stopping process isn't "taking"...it doesn't work when you're still in contact, or at least it never has for me. So, once you make the decision to start moving on and stop contact, that will be a tool to help you.

I hope talking to a therapist helps...I know I've found it helpful in the past!

Sheri