Slept with an Ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
Slept with an Ex
6
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:18pm

Hello everyone. I need some advice and help. I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago, and I haven't seen or heard from him since then. I was finally starting to get over him, then he called me out of the blue at 2:45 am friday morning. We ended up talking for about an hour, then he asked me to come over. I spent 20 minutes being really strong and telling him no. I asked why he wanted to see me now and he said he wanted to see something and talk to me. Finally he broke me down, and I said ok. I can never say no to him, It's like he has this power over me. I went over there at 6am. Anyways we ended up sleeping together. I knew what would happen when I went over there, but I wanted to see him so bad. He said I hadn't changed, he told me I needed to play harder to get. He asked me why I slept with him. What he wanted to see was if I had changed any. He said I needed to stand up for myself. I almost started to cry when I heard him tell me this. Then he told me that this is what a slut would do, and that I can't run to the guys house at 6am. I feel like a slut now. I was so stupid to sleep with him. I don't even know why I did. I didn't even want to. Now I'm more confused than ever. I feel like such a bad person. Instead of moving forward, I've taken two steps back. I'm so depressed. I feel dirty. I am constantly waiting for my phone to ring to see if it is him. I want him to take me back so bad, but I know he won't. I know all he wanted was a booty call, but now I'm more confused than ever. I can't stop thinking about him. I am constantly wondering if we will get back together. I want to call him, but I don't know if I should. Please if anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.

Confused and Depressed in Tennessee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 12:33pm

GRRR...He sweet talks you into coming to his house and into his bed, then berates you for doing so??!!! What kind of person is he?! The truth was he felt guily for screwing with your head and you heart and turned it around. How dare he!!
Sweetie, this is not a person of character!! Did he pull crap like this when you two were together? Do you really want to be with someone who plays games under the pretense of judging you?
Block his number and his email address. Do not allow this clown to make you feel that you are any less than you are. He does NOT determine your worthiness. He is a very sad excuse for a man and do not let yourself be manipulated by this toxic person.
Please, please, please, just take this as a harsh lesson learned and don't be so hard on yourself. He has shown his true colors -- he is not capable of caring about anyone but himself. ((hugs)) take care

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 2:02pm

OMG! My jaw hit the floor when I read your posting. Let me give a mature perspective because the one you got from your ex was very immature and down right mean. If running to your ex's arms because you loved him and wanted to believe that there was something left to salvage makes you a slut then so be it! You are full of 100 different emotions and breaking up with someone is so hard. I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. Do I consider myself a slut? Absolutely not. I have been with two guys in the last 8 years, both were long term relationships. We are not talking about you going to some strangers house that you just met over the internet! Your ex is toxic. I would have thought your evening with him would have been something that he wanted to see if there was anything to rekindle, to feel close to you, etc. When I read how he berated you I could not believe that someone could be so cruel. You may not be able to see this even now because your judgement is clouded by love but I will tell you that if you are able to distance yourself from your ex that it will all become clear. No one deserves to be tricked that way and then have to deal with the berating afterwards. You followed your heart and if that makes you a slut then I guess I am to. By definition that is not what slut means so please don't take his words to heart. Know that you did what you did because you wanted to and for no other reason. You may have done it out of hope-hope that spending the evening together would spark your relationship, that is not wrong, that is admirable.

I have to say though, anyone who can degrade you and speak to you that way is not feeling the kind of love that we all deserve. Don't give him control over you. I hope that after this incident you have lost some respect for him or are at least angry with him because both of those things are fuel to get away from him. You deserve better. Please, please, please believe that you are worth good things and that it may hurt right now but it will get better. Anyone who truly loves you won't treat that way not during the relationship and should it end, not after.

java

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 7:12pm
He's evil.....that was calculated and extremely mean. Love yourself and never have anything to do with this man again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2000
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 11:23pm
Turn the tables on his sorry butt. If he calls you again, tell him where to go and slame the phone down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 10:52am

I am going to say this, THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST HEAD GAMES I HAVE HEARD OF ...this pathetic person is sick sick sick..you did NOTHING wrong aside from being human and trusting HIM..move on..never ever give in to him again. BLOCK, DELETE..

This is such emotional abuse..you need to let go. Use this to get GOOD and mad and say bye bye to this WORM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 4:29pm

Oh my... What a complete jerk!

Nikki