slightly off topic but please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
slightly off topic but please help
2
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 5:45am

I last posted on here a few months ago after my boyfriend and I broke up and I'm hoping you can help with whats happened now. Its a bit off topic but I really do need your advice on this.

Back in Feb my boyfriend of two years and I found out we were expecting twins. It was unplanned and a bit of a shock but we got used to the idea and started really looking forward to it. And things were going great until I had a miscarriage at the end of May. That SAME DAY my boyfriend dumped me telling me he had never wanted kids and that he had come to the conclusion he was too young to settle down. He's 34.

He moved out that night. Later that week when I went back to the hospital for a check up I discovered that one of my twins had in fact survived. I emailed my ex a copy of the scan and he sent me one back basically telling me not to contact him again. I was devestated but what could I do? So I have spent the last two months looking forward to my baby girls arrival and coming to terms with what I've lost.

Anyway onto the reason I am posting: last week a friend of mine bumped into my ex and really laid into him about his treatment of me. Without me knowing she sent him a picture of the baby and on Monday night he got in touch saying that he had been thinking and now he really wanted to be a part of her life.

Now dont get me wrong: its great that he wants to be a part of the babys life and I am more than willing to let him do as much as he can for her. The problem is I now realise that despite everything I'm still in love with him and each time we talk or even just email I feel so depressed. Cutting him out of my life isnt an option but neither is us getting back together and I just know that seeing him move on and God forbid meet someone new is going to kill me.

I felt like I was finally getting my life back together and now this happens. How do I find peace?

maggie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:30pm

What a difficult situation--I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. On the one hand, it's good that he's doing the right thing for your daughter, but it does make it tough to move on when you have to have contact.

What I would suggest is some short-term counseling specifically focused on how to deal with him on the parenting issues yet continue to detach from him emotionally.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:59pm

Hi maggie,


What a sad situation all the way around. I agree with Sheri's advice, some short-term counseling can hopefully help you detatch and put things in perspective.