Slipping back in depression, PLEASE HELP
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Slipping back in depression, PLEASE HELP
| Thu, 03-01-2007 - 12:23pm |
So its actually been a while since i have been on here. Its been about 7 weeks since my breakup and i thought i was getting along ok. i was doing everything everyone told me to do...going to the gym, joining new clubs, focusing on my school work and spending lots of time with friends. Of course my mind was always on him and i was missing him, but i was getting through my days without feeling too weak or crying. We go to college together so we occasionally run into each other, last week i saw him, he said hi but i couldnt manage to get a word out. Now all of the sudden i cant stop crying and i no longer want to get out of bed. i feel like i am right back where i started, but only worse. i just cant get it together. in between things to do i run back to my room and cry until i have to leave again. i dont really know where this is coming from...i think its because now it feels real and the memories of that boy i used to know are fading. its like now maybe its true that he really doesnt want me anymore. i feel like i just got thrown away because i wasnt good enough. its like i feel like i should be mad at him for hurting me so badly but all i want is for him to be happy and good things for him...even though i hear he has changed into this person that not many people who know him recognize anymore. i cant stand that he is this person now who just gets drunk all the time and hooks up with girls. thats not the boy that i knew or love. lately all i want to do is call him and tell him i miss him and that i still love him and would be here whenever he wanted. i feel so weak and like i cant even control my own life anymore. i have no idea how to let someone that i love and care for more than anything go...i dont know how to collect myself again...i just cant live like this anymore...please help, any advice or words of wisdom are really apprecaited

Aaawwww, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low lately!
First things first...what you are feeling is TOTALLY normal. I think we've ALL had one of those times where we feel defeated all over again and like we've made no progress. I know I certainly had one of those! But please please know that you have made so much more progress than you think you have!! I promise this is just a phase; a temporary relapse. I remember saying the same things as you...like the memories of him were so REAL, and you just wanted to tell him how you miss him. This is the most important time to be strong, though, because if you give into those feelings, you will feel A LOT worse than you do now.
Letting go of something you love is one of the hardest things in this life to endure, but it makes us stronger. We learn VERY important things about ourselves and about relationships. YOU ARE WORTH IT. And if this guy is too stupid to realize a good thing when he had it, there's nothing you can do to change that. Hang in there, it will get better, and you'll be feeling the progress that you are making again soon!!
S
I'm not sure that I can give you a lot of help, except to say that I am in the same situation. All I care about is his happiness, rather than mine. And I am slooooowly realizing I have to care about myself first. And honestly, the reason I haven't totally died is that I am seeking pro help. There is nothing wrong with it!!! I'm on meds for depression and as much as I wish I was strong enough on my own, I know I need a little help. I'm trying to not call him right now, which is primarily why I'm on here. He got mad b/c I called him and was upset so much, basically everyday, so we aren't talking till next week, which was actually my idea. HARDEST THING EVER!!! But as much as I want this to prove to him that he needs to be with me and that he misses me, I'm also realizing that I need to do it just to prove that I can live without him. To prove that I can do this. But I admit that my greatest fear right now is that he's going to decide he doesn't want to ever talk again, when before he was very serious about wanting us to be friends. I'm so afraid I will call him next week and he'll say, nah, I was much happier not talking to you. But I just have to call and hope for the best and not be a mess when I do finally call him.
I went thru something similar in high school and was so depressed. Ps. part of why I'm ok and talking about this right now so rationally is that I am on meds. Really, i'm a wreck most of the time. Anyways, I got through that and i'm hoping I will get thru this. The point is, as much as it doesn't help, you will get thru this and other people are dealing with the same thing and there is nothing wrong with asking for help. REALLY!!!
I was thinking I was getting over my break up too. Then, he called...then he stopped over unannounced...quite early in the morning! Gee...do you think he was wondering if I was alone? Unfortunately I was...ha...
The no contact thing is right on. I can not continue to see him just becuase he misses me. He's the one that broke up and now I'm supposed to be happy we're friends???!!! I don't think so. All the books and advice on this board was right - NO CONTACT FOR TWO MONTHS.
It sucks - but it's much worse when you feel yourself getting sucked in yet again by that jerk....
Thanks for letting me vent.
I have my ups and downs. Today was a mixed day for me. It started snowing this morning and I am terrified of driving in the snow not being from an area where it snows. On days like this he would come and get me and take me wherever I needed to go. Luckily today was a light snow so I made myself get out of the house and do the things I wanted and needed to do. Before I left I just started crying because the snow made me think of him. Now I am a little upset but I had a good day and that makes things better.
For me it is loosing my best friend and support system as well as the boyfriend aspect. I moved over a 1000 miles away from the only state I have ever lived in to come to school and he supported me through my first semester. I probably would have been a lot more homesick without him.
I also sought out professional help. I spent 30 minutes with a counselor last week and have another full appointment this week. I felt better after talking to the counselor. You had mentioned you were in school, I am sure they have counseling services through the health center on campus for a reasonable rate.
I didn't want to go but after sobbing on the phone to my mom for an hour the night before she encouraged me to do it and I am glad I did.
I can't imagine how difficult it is to run into him and know that he's doing all these destructive things. As much as it probably won't help, guys deal with breakups and pain very differently, so his drinking and other activities are just typical male behavior in this case.
Do whatever you have to do to not call him...it's just not worth it. The first time I successfully fought this was sitting in a coffee shop (one of those rare days early on that I left the comfort of my home) and wanted to call him. I picked up the phone and stopped myself by asking...what in the heck do I want from this phone call? What could make a difference? In my case, I DON'T want him back...he cheated in a horribly cruel way so that made it easier for me. Remember, as harsh as this may sound, if he misses you, he'll call you. And if you call him and get all upset, he'll probably want to talk to you even less.
I feel badly that I keep mentioning this book (I'm not affiliated with the author, a book company or anything) but I got "It's Called a Breakup because it's Broken" I underlined, highlighted, etc. and reread passages when I felt weak. Or print out a big sign to hang on your fridge "I deserver better than him" or whateve ryou need to do. I also changed the screen display on my cell to read "he doesn't want you to call". It was like a slap in the face back into reality whenever I wanted to.
Hang in there. It sucks. But you know what? If he were really the one for you, he would'nt be putting you through so much pain.
~Kelly~