Slipping Backwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Slipping Backwards
1
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 1:51pm

I know my ex husband with with the women he left me for this weekend,

Its sucks, I have been so depressed.

I asked him why he still hits on me, etc when we are around each other and he said they are just "talking" and not "in a relationship"

But they are going on weekend trips to visit his family!!! Is he lying to me or himself or both.

And his Mom called and asked how we were to which I responsed "fine, we are friends" amd she for some reason said she wa hoping we would have gotten back together. I told her we wouldnt, he had crossed the line to which she responded "they have not hads sex yet" (the girl is his childs mother who he was with about 6 years ago in high school and decided he was in love with again, and she tells his mom EVERYTHING), and so I do not know what gave her that idea...

I am hopeless. I want to move on, but I know things upset me, and that makes me feel I am not over it, and I know we cant be together because my family and friends hate him and I cant trust him and I know he isnt good for me because he drinks, gamles, lies..

So what the HECK is my PROBLEM!!! I am young, I can move on, I do not want to waste my best years like this...

I AM SO TIRE OF THIS! I have tried to break the cyle and it haunts me! I am mad at ME! I am not intersted in seeing anyone else, I am not physically attracted to anyone, I dont feel like I am attracted, I feel like I am doomed to be alone, which to be honest does not sound that bad because then I couldnt be hurt again.

Please, Please, Please tell me what can I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 3:42pm

Hi,

I know how you feel. Yours is only the second post I have read, it's noon here in California and I'm trying to eat my lunch without crying. I thought it might do me some good to read about what others are going through.
We have been together for two years and a few months with a period where we broke up for a couple months. We were camping at the beach this weekend and yesterday I went out swimming. She sat on the beach and watched me. I had stayed out for maybe a half hour, the surf was kind of rough and there was a bad rip tide. I've been in the oceean all my life so wasn't to worried but I guess she was. I started to come in and had a really hard time and ended up hyper extending my knee. This caused me to have a tough time getting out of the water and today my left calf muscle is just killing me, I'm going to the Dr. later. We had both of our Cars and live close by. when I reached the camp ground she was putting her things in the car and was really mad. I have a hard time understanding this? I got in my car and started to drive to her house, I called her on my cell and asked her if we could talk. She said no, that I embarresed her. I was having a hard time keeping my trunks up in the surf even though I retied them twice. I ended up going back to the campground locking up the trailer and going home. We had planned on spending sonme time there after work during this week and were planning on being there through the fifth of July. We talked on the phone after I got home but she wasn't talking much. I e-mailed her from this morning and again tried to explain what had happened.
"I'm in meetings most of the morning...actually late for one now. We've talked about this several times already - I din't think rehashing this is going to help.
I'll write later when I can." Well this is all she said and I haven't heard from her yet. I don't know if she is going to break up with me or not but I have a pretty strong feeling that she will.
I just feel like crap today and I have this big pit of anxiety in my stomach. She is 49 and I am 58, we have had many great times together but have had some rough spots too. I can't wait to leave today, go to the Dr. and then go home. I know I'm going to be feeling really bad and already am. I have been through this before and I don't know if I can handle it again. My biggest fear is that I will spend the rest of my life alone. I'm not very suited to that as I was in a long term marriage. We divorced almost 4 years ago and it almost killed me. I didn't think I would ever be happy again.
Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.