Slowly, but surely.
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Slowly, but surely.
| Sat, 04-07-2007 - 9:25pm |
I got through the whole day without crying over him once. It might not seem like alot, but this is huge for me. I'd go to the bathroom about two or three times at work a day just to cry. I thought about him from time to time today, and got a little sad. I DO miss the good things. But I don't miss not feeling cherished or needed by him. I doubt that the crying is over altogether, but I honestly think that the heart-wrenching pain I've been feeling is over. I am so excited to start living my life, and doing things to make myself happy instead of worrying over whether or not somebody loves me as much as I love him.

Hey there,
I just read your post & I'm not sure if you have put your whole story out here but I relate to what your saying 100% especially this....
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Isn't that a difficult feeling to have! To OWN! I knew I loved mine & I KNEW he didn't LOVE me the same at all?? How hard is that? I'm glad you sound positive with this statement! My b/f (of a year) & I took a break/break up that started New Yrs Day & it never was the same after..we did the push & pull~ Back & forth for WEEKS until I laid out what I wanted (Us together, working on US again & on HIM working on his fears), I went on vacay to return to his answer that he didn't want this too & we stopped speaking ~ that was Feb 25th! I still love & miss him, and our good times and all we shared! It is tough still everyday but my everyday crying is done....every once in awhile I will get teary from a song or memory! It gets easier in time.
We have since had contact recently on the phone...it was after 30 days NC. We talked, laughed & it was GREAT. We plan to get together now...face to face for a friendly Catch Up meeting ~ Over Coffee. I'm nervous because I wonder how my insides will feel when I see his face & look in his eyes? Ugh...I would love to have him back but .......on MY TERMS if anything!
I wish you STRENGTH & COURAGE! I know it gets easier! Have your friends near - especially the ones who won't shun you when you talk about him some (its expected) or who might be SICK of hearing about your feelings about the break up! Go out & Flirt alittle, maybe lightly Date alittle...nothing serious...excercise...buy a nice new perfume, or some new make up, a new outfit...get your nails done, a facial or a haircut or color....Make yourself a NEW YOU!!! FEEL good about yourself and OWN YOURSELF with all your good & bad feelings, OWN your mistakes (let him own his own mistakes) dont' beat yourself up, Let the good things about you that HE may have not seen still be a part of WHO you are I(don't change cuz you think you were wrong)..cuz someone else will see it someday (or so they tell me). Also, READ THIS BOARD & remember you'll get responses BOTH Good & Bad, but you DO need to hear BOTH sides because sometimes the worst posts that hurt you ALSO WAKE YOU UP to see what you've been NOT SEEING! I have had some HARSH reality checks from board members BUT..it made me SEE my patterns (you know who you are ) lol! One girl actually READ ALL of my posts - looked at my "story", saw my relationship history & she repeated ALL of my "Repeat Offenses & Behaviors" back to me and made me SEE what I did!!!!She made me say "WOW, this woman just NAILED ME!" LOL - I DID DO THAT STUFF & BOY I MUST have looked PATHETIC to my ex!! WHO WAS THAT PERSON WHO DID THOSE THINGS!! ME! ? SO, Reach out when you NEED IT! We're HERE , Yes, even when you screw up - weak moments HAPPEN (I am living proof of that). I could be making a mistake next week but...I need to learn for myself & NOT live with regret or of never knowing what if??
SO, BIG HUGS to you! Sweetie XO PS)Today "would've been" our 16 month anniversary AND last year on Easter it was the FIRST entire weekend we spent together & ended up being the ONLY FULL weekend we spent together- I'm looking back at those times this weekend and feeling somewhat Sad but also smiling at the good times we did have - I Miss Him.Lets see what next week brings...I better get myself feeling/looking confident & HOT! LOLOL
....."One girl actually READ ALL of my posts - looked at my "story", saw my relationship history & she repeated ALL of my "Repeat Offenses & Behaviors" back to me and made me SEE what I did!!!!She made me say "WOW, this woman just NAILED ME!" LOL - I DID DO THAT STUFF & BOY I MUST have looked PATHETIC to my ex!! WHO WAS THAT PERSON WHO DID THOSE THINGS!! ME! ? SO, Reach out when you NEED IT! We're HERE , Yes, even when you screw up - weak moments HAPPEN (I am living proof of that). I could be making a mistake next week but...I need to learn for myself & NOT live with regret or of never knowing what if??".....
Gee, now I wonder who that could be? ;) Glad you're feeling better, SweetieXO. Sounds like you're much more in control than you were only a month ago. Amazing what perspective will do, huh?
Hugs,
~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
MY story is very complicated lol. But I'll do the best I can. Let's just say an ex he had FIVE years ago became and issue. They weren't even together for a month, and she was married. She came along in a time in his life where he was feeling depressed and vulnerable. She was his "angel" and pulled him out of a dark hole. (HIS words. I know it's the past, but it hurt me deeply to hear him still talking about her that way.) I remember him being in the hospital after he went into diabetic shock. I took time off of work, LOST money, sat with him, and made sure he had everything he needed. I'd bring him lunch at work, and did all kinds of other things for him, but I felt that in his eyes, I didn't ever get the "angel" title that he gave her. It hurt. She never loved him, she used him. To make matters worse, he said he hated that their relationship ended badly, and wanted to find her. Not to get back together, but to "set things straight." The longer I was in that relationship, the more insecure I felt. He was always telling me how unemotional he was, and had a hard time expressing his feelings. He didn't have a hard time expressing his feelings to ME about HER. I felt like just another woman he was having a good time with. He never told me anything different. So, towards the end of the our relationship, I wasn't the most pleasant person for him to be around. I was always sad and moody. So he decided to end the relationship. And it hurt me very badly, but I can't blame him. But I won't apoligize for wanting the man I'm with to make me feel like I'm the #1 woman in his life. (Well, except his mother, that's totally different.)
I have been doing most of the things you mentioned at the bottom of your post. I've been making a huge effort to make myself look nice. I've never looked better. I've lost about ten pounds, cut and colored my hair, and I'm wearing makeup everyday. (I never wore any before.) I'm not ready to date yet, but I've noticed a few men smiling at me. It's just making me realize that he's FAR from being the only man alive. And someday, I'll find one that loves me unconditionally, and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world for him. I DO deserve that. And this has taught me not to settle for anything less.
I DID make some feeble attempts to get him back a little over a month ago, and that's when I found this board. I needed help and reassurance that I was doing the right thing by not contacting him at all. This board is AMAZING. So many people on here are going through the heartache of breaking up, but they still take the time, to listen and offer advice to others. It feels good when you can help someone else out, even if it's just a few words of encouragement:)
LOL, Was it you Sandra?? LOL
I remember reading your post that day & then READING IT AGAIN - thinking WOW- that was ME! I did those things- UGH! I felt almost ashamed of myself! But you were RIGHT! I never "stood my ground" and when I walked out angry - I should've stayed walked out & never came back to "talk things out"! I always thought to myself after your post - If I could've done things different- I should've been a hard a** & left! Made HIM be the one to come back to apologize not the other way around! Hey, maybe if I did, I wouldn't have started to look so pathetic & maybe it would've felt more attractive to him to see a strong woman who said "No, I'm all set with your crap" than a woman who said that YET turned around, came back & wanted to work things out!! WHO WOULDN'T LOSE ATTRACTION FOR A PERSON WHO DOES THAT!?? If a man in my life puts me in my place & shocks me by doing so, I would be shocked....but if he came back after he did the big thing that shocked me and started getting wimpy and said sorry lets work it out...I'd think..what a loser - how pathetic?? I set myself up hard for those actions later to occur! I looked WEAK & pathetic! Hence, why I feel I need to meet up with him NOW for this coffee date! I need him to see me again as this revamped, NEW woman! The old Me but Better!! The one that was STRONG & Confident & FUN! Not weak & pathetic! I want to him to think "She looks great & sounds great - look at what I'm missing!" I want him to walk away from this meet questioning himself! IF that is the case anyway??
But, your words struck me and to know that I did those things...I must have been INSANE! I won't EVER, EVER make those same mistakes so THANK YOU for your harshness - it needed to be said!!
Lots of Hugs! Happy Easter, Sweetie
ps..how many times did I use the word "pathetic" in this post! LOLOL I won't be ANYMORE!