So Complicated...
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| Mon, 02-04-2008 - 11:38pm |
Hi all,
I post on here quite a bit offering advice, but now I'm in desperate need of some. Here's the story:
I've been dating my boyfriend for two years (he's 24, I'm 22). He is an incredible person and I know that he truly loves me. However, he is one of those "free spirits" and he is not without flaws. We met by chance in a town where neither one of us is originally from. He is from Texas and I'm from Virginia. We met while I was in college (a few hours from my hometown). He had just moved up here on a whim, trying to "find himself." Anyway, we ended up in this whirlwind romance where we just picked up and moved to Texas, then a few months later to Florida, finally settling on VA again. We've been here for about a year now.
His biggest passion is playing music but he was unable to connect with anyone up here in that department. He had a job he hated for 6 months then was out of work for a while. We constantly talked about how much of a dead-end city we were living in, but I couldn't pick up and move because I was back in school. He was very homesick, missed his friends, and was only able to go home twice in the year he's been back in Virginia. The short of it is that he has gone NOWHERE since I've met him. However, he is the smartest person I've ever met; creative and is always trying to learn something new. He has all the potential in the world, it just seems as though he hasn't done anything to harness it.
Yesterday, we got into a slight argument which evolved into him saying he was just so unhappy and wanted to end things. He said he wasn't having fun and the only reason he had stayed in VA for so long is because of me. He said he had to get out; to go back to Texas and start over--by himself. I wasn't totally caught off guard because I didn't see how he could possibly be happy with the way things were in his own life and I knew eventually, that would spill over into our relationship. So I really didn't protest like I thought I would. He kept saying, "I love you, I don't want to do this, but I think it's for the best."
I left and went and stayed with my parents. I had spoken with his Mom and she said I should probably know that by the time I got back into town, he would be gone. He had called her crying, saying he had broken my heart and couldn't face me. He let me have our beloved dog, something I couldn't believe. He told his Mom he couldn't possibly take her away from me. I knew it was over. He is not a game-player. He's never been dishonest and he's just a decent person, so I knew he thought what he was doing was for the greater good.
Lo and behold, I got a call today from him asking if I wanted to talk. I didn't know what to say. He proceeded to tell me that he feels as though he was misguided in what he had said the day before and that he loved me but needed to get his own life together, needed to accomplish something and he wasn't going to be able to do that in VA. He said he didn't want to lose me but that he had just thought it was unfair to leave me while he pursued his dream and in turn leave us in a LDR. So he said he thought his only options were to stay and be miserable or to just break it off and try to get over me. Then he said he WANTED to be with me, but didn't think it was fair to ask me to sacrifice so much for him. Anyway, the conversation basically ended with him asking if I would be willing to stay with him and do an LDR while he figured his life out. It was a question that was left open-ended.
What do I do? Do I just say no? First and foremost, we are friends and I cannot imagine telling him I never want to see him or speak to him again. I feel in my heart as though we had such a great relationship it was almost scary, that by him bettering himself and getting his life together, it can only reflect positively on our relationship. But, then again, I could be completely wrong. So should I agree to try or should I end it?
Thanks so much for reading all of this!

Hi keeio:)
I'm not in your same exact situation, however, I have very deeply loved a free spirit and they can definitely try your patience.
From what you've written it sounds like you wouldn't be mistaken in giving it a shot. I say this for a few reasons.