so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
so confused
5
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 2:13pm

I've written a few messages on here before and received great advice, so again I seek help. I was with my boyfriend for two years. We experienced a love for each other that just doesn't happen everyday. There were many times that in the midst of saying "I love you" he would just burst into tears. Same for me...He was everything that I could every ask for, unfortunately, I didn't realize it until I ended the relationship. After two years of being together things started going from bad to worse. None of it was him. I had major trust issues steming from my previous marraiage. He was patient, understanding, supportive, but I pushed him away. He went home to New York for the holidays and I broke up with him in a text message telling him that I had put myself back on a dating site. At the time I truly thought I was making the right decision. During these past couple of months I have thought about him daily, I have missed him terribly and have longed to have our lives back the way they were. I never called, texted, or emailed because I thought it unfair to put myself back into his life after I hurt him so badly...Its been about 2 1'2 months since we've even spoken, but I pray daily for him and the chance to mend our lost relationship. The other day I logged onto my yahoo accound and there was an invitation for me from him to become a contact for his Instant Messenger. My heart sank..For about a month I had been feeling the urge to send him a quick email to tell him I have his things and I would like for him to be able to get those. After that Instant Message invitation I mustered up all my courage and send him an email. His response...I'm sorry I accidently sent you that invitation...my heart began pounding...I'm not sure if he sent it by accident or not (I"m not sure you can just "accidently" send that without typing in the persons email address..anyone know the answer to that please tell me) anyhoo.....so I sent him an email telling him I have his things...blah, blah, blah,,,then I loss all control and send him this huge email telling him that I miss him, I think about him daily, and that I want our relationship back the way it use to be. I'm not sure I did the right thing...he hasn't written back and that was 2 days ago. ..Should I have done that? I know without a doubt that this separation has opened my eyes to what it is I truly want, to the gift I was given, and I know that I have changed and all I want is another chance to prove that to him. Here's my question...I've sent the email, should I leave it at that? I at least feel good that he knows where I stand and that I am still loving him daily...Should I call? Should I text? Should I leave in up to him and just stay away giving him the space he may need? I'm so confused....I'm at the point where I just want to go to his house and beg him to take me back on my hands and knees (so pathetic)...Any advice from someone who's been there would be greatly appreciated or even someone who hasn't been there but can give me some answers....


Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
In reply to: kidrock668
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 2:32pm
If I was you I would call. If you know this is what you want, you should open yourself up and tell him what you are feeling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: kidrock668
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 4:21pm

Whoa, do not call.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: kidrock668
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 4:50pm

Welcome to the board kidrock668,


It's only been two days.... he may need time to digest all you have said. If/when you decide to contact again, if he doesn't respond you need to let it go.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
In reply to: kidrock668
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 8:29pm
Just wanted to give a quick update. I sent him the email on Tuesday and basically laid it all on the line. Told him I still loved him, I missed him and that basically I wanted him back. Well Wednesday passed and NOTHING..then Thursday..still NOTHING..I got home from work on Friday and I expected nothing again, but he wrote me a quick note saying that he had just read my email he had been away on business for work and that he didn't have time to reply, but he would get back to me later that evening...I basically sat by my computer waiting all night..so I finally received his message...it basically said that he had missed me terribly over these past couple of months, that he still loved me and always will. I was shaking because I was so afraid I would read a "but" somewhere in there but nothing..he also told me how proud of me he was that I was back in school getting my bachelors..so I got the nerve and sent him and text and we have been texting back and forth all day. He said he wants to wait to
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: kidrock668
Sun, 02-10-2008 - 6:50pm

Good for you. :) When the green moster starts to raise it's ugly head, remember that he went out and met other people and *still* didn't find anyone he matched with better, he's gone fising and threw them back, so did you. Do not go thinking you need to know details, you don't. Surefire way to pretty much destroy possible blooming feelings in you. Let the past stay where it belongs.

Best of luck, let us know how it goes!

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