so confused...x-mas contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
so confused...x-mas contact
3
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 11:56pm
It all started with my ex...coming by my job to ask for forgiveness...i forgave him i figured y not if i didnt i would have sounded bitter right?...since im not i forgave him...well this morning he sent me a text message and i didnt answer...so he called me tonight because he wanted to kno if i got the text message...and wanted to kno how my x-mas was i asked him if he had a good x-mas and if santa brought him everything he wanted and he said hes just celebrating life he was just happy to be alive but he didnt sound it...we talked about lil stuff...and then i said i have to take a shower and he told me ok shorty i will talk to u later....what do i make of this?...is this man trying to get back with me....does he miss me?..i am confused i say to myself y does he have to call to find out if i got the text...just send it and call it a day...i really never thought in a million yrs he was going to ask me for forgiveness...he told me he disliked me so much he disliked everything about me and he would be happy once i was out of his life...so y ask for forgiveness instead of letting it be?..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:02am

PR Queen,

It's nice to see you pop up again.

I think you are reading too much into the situation. In your initial posting, http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=17092.1 you stated that you wanted to forgive him because G*d has instructed us to do so. Now, it's so that you wouldn't sound so bitter. I think it is better for you to stick with your first response, and take the high road. That way, you are the queen you have so aptly named yourself. Doing it for emotional reasons leads to uncertainties as you are feeling now.

Perhaps your ex is now realizing what a dignified lady you are. Question is why didn't he appreciate it before? And why would YOU want someone who didn't? Celebrate life (and yourself) as he has chosen to do, and don't worry about how his *party* is doing. He didn't give much thought when he said those cruel things at the end of the relationship, and you shouldn't give much thought to him.

He may miss you, but don't misinterpret it as *wanting to get back with you*. We all share the feeling of missing someone, and I think you are doing the same. It is part of the grieving process. But, you will get through it, and move on to better things.

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:37am

Mimiche r:

Yeah i agree with u perhaps i am looking to much into the situation....but knowing him how i do i just know there is an alterior motive in his actions...from hating me disliking me so much never wanting to see me again to all of the sudden being concerned and wanting to be my friend...when i said no contact i meant it...and the fact he came by to my job to ask for forgiveness and i forgave should have ended there...i sometimes sit and think to myself everything he did to me i cant forget it..and how can i sit here and pretend i am his friend if i am so hurt...and he acts and talks to me like nuthin ever happened...

I can tell u one thing when we 1st broke up and i left i was dying to call him i was dying to hear his voice but i stopped myself because i kno is not good for me...i am doing everything possible to move on and thats y i decided no contact apparently he cant move on if he feels the need to talk to me...my fingers will never move to dial his number i tell u that much, i guess is the pride in me...i am just gonna go with the flow is all i can do is all i been doing...like i said never in a million yrs did i think he would ever apologize because he is that type...i just wish the moving on process would be over by now the day he came to apologize i woke up with an inner peace and i knew i was fine but bamm there he resurfaced...

This message board has helped me alot not always do i read what i want to hear but is helped me tremendously to reassure me that im doing the right thing and that i will be ok...i sometimes dont really want to hear nuhtin i just want to v ent since i cant really talk to my sister or mom they dont understand this they think is just like is over boom bam get over it but it doesnt work that way and here there r ppl that understand that because they have been there and done that...again u see how long this reply is....is just because im venting...and i want everything to be ok quick i guess im an impatient person...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 12:20pm

Queen,

Vent away!! That is what we are all here for: to share in your frustration, help you through your confusion, and partake in your happiness as you pass the milestones. Grieving has many steps, and usually they don't come in order. Sometimes, you may even revisit a few of them to get through it. I don't think you are impatient, so much as you want the pain to end. And, one day, it will.

You may wish to continue the NC until you are ready to accept him under your terms of "friend". There are different levels of friendship, and you will find the right one to catagorize him in.

Mimiche