So easily forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
So easily forgotten
2
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 7:31pm
How can guys so easily forget? I am heartbroken over a recent breakup. The relationship lasted 6 years and I invested a lot into it. I thought he did too. It suddenly came to an end almost a month ago and I feel as if I am the only one suffering. I feel as if he has already gotten over me. How can that be? Can he just turn his feelings off like a switch? We have such a long history together and we have shared so much. He said he that he didn't meet someone else or was running around with anyone new but I don't know if I believe him. The only reason I can think of for someone to just break off a relationship all of a sudden and cut off all communication is if they either already have someone else waiting or they have an opportunity they want to explore. Am I crazy? I hate the thought of him seeing someone new but I am more astounded by his ability to just turn off all feelings he shared with me for 6 long years. Please help me understand....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 8:48pm
Boy, I wish I knew the answer to your question! It seems like men do seem do move on more easily than women. Women dote on the happy memories, the happiness we felt while in the "relationship" while with him (I quote this term - wow - relationship, I really think the mention of this word will scare a lot of men running for their lives!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 4:18pm

I had a similar situation. I was dating this guy for 5 years, and he broke up with me out of the blue on the phone. Didnt know why, he would tell me one thing, and then tell others somthing different. Found out that he was seeing another girl, which happened to be a stripper. He had supposodly met her in the last 3 months of our relationship. I knew he was goin to the strippers alot, but i had no idea it was to see her or what not! But anyways, ya.. I didnt understand how he could say he loved me for 5 years and do this and just move on. He moved in with her within the month that we broke up, and lives with her and her child. If you love someone you can't just move on so quickly. I cant at all. WE broke up in the end of May. I am still not over him. Its definately taking time and I have been with other ppl that have helped taken my mind off of him,. I hate the feeling that I cant get over him, but apparently he has no problem with it at all. Its a horrible feeling. We tried being friends at the beginning. WHy would i want to be friends with him? I have no idea. I mean he was an imp. part of my life for 5 years, yet he lied, cheated, and obviously didnt respect me at all. Yet despite all that, i still do want to be friends with him. But ya, that didnt work. Thngs just went back to how they were with fooling around. They broke up at the beginning of dec. I said i would never go back to him. BUt i did, foolish, i know. BUt we ended things. He would say horrible things about his ex stripper friend, and then he would go and hang out with her. He obviouslyu wanted his cake and to eat it too. So I said i wasnt going to put up with it, and that is when he said that he thinks we should end things. Fine by me, I thougth perhaps he had changed. Obvioulsy not, they are now back together. I hate being an friend when it is only conveient for him.

Anyways, I dont like thinkin that guys can just turn off feelings for their partners, esp after a long time. But it happened in my case. Maybe he does want to explore or has met sumone but just isnt being honest about it. I hated the thought that my ex met sumone new. It killed me, and esp surprised that he acted like I didnt exist, that we had nothing before, and that he can just move on and turn off all feelings. That made things so much harder to deal with and get over him. NOw that we had our little christmas fun, or should I say, he did, sum feelings came back again for him, so its like we are breaking up again! Its so hard! I cant trust ppl now, because he said that he wasnt with anyone else, wasnt runnin around, or what not. He did say that we met young (which we did) and that he feels he needs to expereince more.. BUt little did I know he already had his new friends behind my back and had been lying to me for months.

I know I havent prolly helped you understand, but I just watned to let you know that I have been in a similar situation and over time it gets easier.