so hurt and angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
so hurt and angry
5
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:59am

hi everyone

i've just been dumped by my boyfriend and I'm nearly 5 months pregnant and I don't know what to do.

The baby was unplanned so a bit of a shock but once it sunk in we both started to really look forward to it. I've known my ex for a few years and I know that he loves kids and has always wanted to be a dad and seeing how he read all the books and looked at all the websites just made me more convinced he would be great.

Anyway, at the start of this month I started to bleed and was kept in the hospital because of the risk of miscarriage. Thankfully everything is ok but I was kept in for a week. When I left I got home to find a note from my ex saying that having time alone he had been thinking and he decided he didnt want to be a father or be with me.

I thought he might be just having a panic attack or something. Yesterday I had my first scan and sent him the picture. I thought seeing the baby might awaken some paternal feelings.

He called me an hour later to say that he didnt want me to " bother him again" , that he has no interest in the baby, that he doesnt want to have any contact with me and that he is now with someone else!

I'm devestated...i really believed he was just having cold feet and that he would come around

Now i can hardly function...i know i need to be strong for the baby and I am trying but its so hard.

katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 10:47am

I'm so sorry, and I will pray, to ask God to give you strength to carry your unborn child healthy, and heal your heart. This is a very painful ordeal, and because your pregnant, it's going to be hard. But at the end of it all, you will sit back, and wonder, how you got thru it all, because you will. It's guaranteed!!! You don't see the blessings now, beside having a child, but God, blessed you by getting you in this situation, and allowing you to see now, what type of man your "ex" really is. He doesn't want to be a father or have the responsibility of taking care his child? What type of man is he? He's like a lot of men out there, who don't want to be a father. But those men, will never, and I mean, never be blessed in there life. They will struggle, and struggle. Trust me, I see it everyday, especially in my life. My son's father within the last few years, doesn't see his son or give child support, and he has no place to live, and doesn't really have a good job. He works under the table, to prevent me getting child support. How low can you get? But some men do get low, and they pay the ultimate price in life.

You don't see it, but you will be fine, raising your child. Women are strong, and there are so many singles mothers, who raise their children alone, and there kids turn out to be respectful, law-abiding citizens. I see it all the time. One more thing, I promise you, once you get on with your life, your "ex" will try his best to win you back. But, try to think about that, because if he left you like this, he can do it again. So pray about it and ask God to direct you, because I know you still love him, especially since your carrying his child, so it will be a hard decision to make, but I promise you, he will be back!!! He's making a huge mistake, and he thinks he's getting away with murder. Little does he know, he will be the one getting killed. You don't see it, but you will. I would try my best to move on and focus on your child. You need to be healthy, and have no stress in your life. That's going to be hard, because of what your going thru, but right now you need to focus on your pregnancy. You were alreay in the hospital, so be careful. Try not to worry about him, if you can. It will only stress you out. Think of this: does his new girlfriend know what type of man she's with? Does she know he left you pregnant? I feel sorry for her, and you should too. I wish you the best, and keep us posted. I would like to know if your having a girl or a boy. Even though I don't like kids, LOL, I'm excited about your pregnancy. Keep us posted, and God Bless You..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 10:50am
Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure you are devastated. I hope you have family who will support you and that is nearby. This guy is a complete jerk and what a Wimp for writing you a note! Sometimes the actions of ones we love and trust floor us. It's almost as if you don't know the person as well as you thought you did. Please take care and know that there are those out there that care. Sending hugs and good wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:06pm

Katie...

Pianoguy doesn't know what state you live in...but even if your b/f doesn't want to be with YOU.......HE DOES HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY WHEN IT COMES TO THE CHILD HE CONCEIVED WITH YOU!

I'd seriously consider talking to a family planner and a lawyer about your rights as an unwed Mom! If the jerk wants to walk away from responsibility...the least he can do is pay for child support!

Sorry to hear things are sad where an innocent child is concerned. But look at this way, would you want an irresponsible, disrespectful man to "play the role of Daddy" when it's clear that he needs to do a little growing up HIMSELF?

Seek out a few professionals and let them advise you. And if you have family and friends that support you and your child...LET THEM HELP YOU!

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:51pm

thank you all so much for your kind words they have really helped.

First of all my ex has now moved on - i got a call at work today to say he had met someone else and he wasn't going to " waste any more time on me" ( his exact words ) i got to thinking that maybe he had been seeing this girl all along but i hacked into his email ( wrong and terrible but i was so angry I just didnt care ) and turns out they met on a dating site last week

I really wouldnt take him back if he got on his knees and begged. And i know that im strong enough to do this by myself so there is no danger of him getting back in my life

to be honest the fact he has a new gf doesnt bother me which is good cause a few weeks back it would have killed me so i take that as a good sign. what really hurts is that all that stuff we talked about - was it just lies ? did he mean any of it? was he laughing at me the whole time?

I am having a baby girl and so excited .... its the best thing that ever happened to me. I just feel awful that he doesnt want to know her.

Money and support isnt a problem so I'm not going down that road. He doesnt have much to give me anyway

the worst bit is we dont live in the same place...i live in dublin he lives in london so its not like i can just pop over to see him. its all such a mess. i know deep down its the best thing and that thank god i found out what a rat he is now but i just feel so hurt. i was so great to him, never put any pressure on him to come here he did that all by himself

i just dont know what i did to deserve this

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:00pm

I know you're angry rignt now--you certainly have every reason to be--but I would urge you to reconsider at some point about the child support issue. He shouldn't be allowed to get away without any responsibilities for one thing but more importantly, even if you don't "need" the money, it can be a nest egg for your child. Imagine how wonderful it would be for your daughter to have some or all of her college education paid for, or enough to put a down payment on a condo or something like that. Even if it's a small amount each month, put away in a money market account it will grow substantially over 18 years.

And YOU didn't do anything to "deserve" this--it's all on him. So stop thinking that way!

Sheri