So Hurt & Confused...How Do I Move On?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
So Hurt & Confused...How Do I Move On?
5
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 2:01pm

Hi all! Well I'm new to iVillage but I've read a lot of messages on the boards recently due to my BF breaking up with me a week ago today. My sis recommended that I check out the boards on iVill and wouldn't you know it, there are a lot of us out there hurt & confused & just trying to find some peace of mind to move on.

I was with my BF for a little less than 10 months and it was a great 10 months. He always made me feel loved. He was very caring and sweet. We'd see each other every weekend and find things to do. Over the last 10 months, we went on 3 different trips together which includes one amazing trip to S. America! We met each other's families right away and friends and always had a great time together. I truly felt that I'd met the one for me! But it was during this last trip that he made a comment about having a wall up in our relationship. I didn't make a big deal about it when he said it and actually just changed the subject. I finally asked him about his comment 4 weeks later and he fessed up and told me that due to previous relationships he's put up this wall that he hasn't been able to completely tear down. The conversation then snowballed into him saying that he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship and it's best to not keep me stringing along if he can't promise me a future or rather marriage. He doesn't know if he'll ever want to get married or have kids. He said that he loves me and that I'm the most perfect girlfriend he's ever had but he just doesn't know what he wants. We first agreed to take a break but later in the conversation decided that's not fair to anyone. He said the best thing is to say that it's completely over for us! Well I was completely devastated and still am because I had no idea that he was feeling this way until that conversation. We had some email exchanges a few times after last Sunday but at the end of the day, it's all about him not knowing what he wants and wanting to figure out what he truly wants by not being in our relationship.

This hurts so much and after our last emails, it's been 4 days of NC. I've been trying to keep myself from text messaging him, emailing him but it's so HARD!!! I love him...I'm in love with this man and I truly felt that I'd found the one. Someone that I could see myself with for the rest of my life. The thing is I NEVER pressured him about marriage. We would bring up married life in lite conversation but I never said anything about it having to come in a certain time frame. I'm hurt and sad because he's not as into me as I am into him. We had a wonderful 10 months and sooo many good memories! Why would anyone want to let go of someone that they shared so many good times with?!

Wow, this turned into a long message! I'm just struggling with realizing that he doesn't want to be with me. How do I move on from a relationship that was so good? Our friends, our families & me obviously thought that we had the real thing going. And look at us now! Any words of encouragement or advice from similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2005
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 3:08pm
The best thing for you to do is try to move on. It will be hard but you need to move forward with your life. No contact is probably best, the distance will help you heal. If it is true love then what is meant to be will be. I know it's hard I am going through a rough breakup now, it's only been a week. I've realized to just let go and put time and distance from him so I am able to truly heal. We've only had n/c for 3 days and it's very hard but I know it's for the best. I believe that when you distance yourself you will begin to understand and grow. when you start to think about him or have the urge to contact him distract yourself, talking to friends and reading these posts has helped a lot. Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 1:04am
Thanks Fla.grl3 for the advice. I actually just got done with a letter to my ex. I wrote in my journal and I'm going to do my best to keep that journal far from my reach or at least not be tempted to tear the pages out to send to him. It sucks that you're going through a bad breakup too. I'm sorry to hear that! But I'm going to keep your advice close to my heart and like you said if it was meant to be then it'll be!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 4:51pm

Its so hard to move on and stop the hurt. Its now been almost two months of no contact and I'm still a wreck . My advice to you is to try and heal yourself and get over the anger the best you can.

In your case, it sounds like maybe he knew how serious about him you were and thought it was only fair not to be with you because he wanted to. Who knows, but ultimately he did breakup with you. If he needed space, etc. only time will tell. I say just try and get yourself less sad and let yourself go through this. No doubt that anger will soon set in and your brain will go into overdrive of what went on and what went wrong.

Stay away and do NOT contact him. It will be SOOOO hard, but less devestating than doing it and getting nothing in return.

If you guys are meant to be together then it will happen but for now, be on your own and try to heal.

All my best,
isa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 5:19pm

Thank you Isa for your encouraging words. I am glad that I didn't text msg him this weekend. There really is no point in talking/emailing/texting him. I think I'm going to reward myself with a little something with each week that passes that I don't contact him. I know it'll eventually get easier and doing the reward thing will give me something to look forward to like a manicure, pedicure, mini-shopping spree, etc., etc.

Thanks again : )
Cin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:58pm
I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up.
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