SO HURT, need help
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| Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:10pm |
My gf of 2 months broke up with me. She was married for about 2yrs. She is now separated from her husband,no kids, moved out of their house,filed for divorce and was just waiting for it to become final. She assured me that she has moved on and was emotionally ready. We dated for about 2 weeks and quickly became exclusive. We always talked about our future about having our house, kids and vacations. Shortly after becoming exclusive we quickly ran into some problems. First her ex husband was still following up on her. Always calling her to see what she was up to. There were times i could tell she was upset after he called. I don't know if she was upset b/c she was annoyed or she felt sad b/c she missed him.I would constantly try to make her feel better by supporting her emotionally. she told me that they were still friends and they had lunch a couple times when we were together. Another problem was she had to keep me a secret from her family and friends. She didn't want them to know about me because she thought it looks bad that she's already in a new relationship after the separation.
she broke up with me sighting that i didn't make her feel special. i didn't do enough of the little things to make her happy.i'm so heartbroken that she feels this way. i udnerstand maybe i could've done a little more to make her feel speacial, but i spent so much time and energy worrying about her emotional needs. she also has to understand that with her ex in the picture and keeping me a secret didn't make me feel all that secure either and it's easy to lose focus on the small things. But i was always affectionate with her, always telling her how pretty she is, taking her out, planning a trip for us. I don't understand why she didn't feel special.
I look at the relationship and it never had a solid foundation. I'm upset that the relationship never had a chance to develop. 2 months is so short condsidering the things we had to deal with. I'm upset that she gave up so easily and hardly ever comunicated her concerns to me. I'm so heartbroken :( and I can't stop thinking about her.

hey there,
i really feel for you. you are obviously very upset. from reading what you wrote, i have to say that i think you made an honest effort in trying to make the relationship work and you did all the right things; ie.. complimenting her, planning a trip, trying to be there for her to talk to. if you did all of this, and she still doesn't feel that its working between the two of you, then i would say that its something lacking in her, not in you. i would not beat yourself up about this, if you can honestly say that you did the best you could to make it work. sometimes we just have to accept that our best may not be good enough for someone else, and she probably has her own reasons for not wanting to continue this right now, reasons which have nothing to do with you.
the bottom line is, if this is meant to be, it will be, i truly believe that when it comes to relationships. of course it is natural that you are sad, and are thinking about her all the time, because it sounds like this all happened very recently. give yourself that time to grieve, do not pressure her, and like i say, if something is meant to come of it in the end, it will. this is undoubtedly a tough time for you, be good to yourself and think positive. it could all turn out afterall.
good luck!
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments, but I'm struggling a lot today. I can't seem to function. I wake up feeling miserable with this numb feeling inside of me. My stomach is constantly upset and i no longer find joy in my hobbies. I try to get out of this funk but I keep thinking about her. I keeping thinking why she broke up with me and why she isn't upset that our relationship is over. It seems as though she has moved on from the day we broke up. She never really gave me a good reason why she broke up with me which makes everything so much harder. It like i don't have any closure.
"A woman, or a man for that matter, freshly out or in the process of a divorce is never ever emotionally healthy to get involved in a new relationship. The baggage from the separation or divorce is so big that time and self-work is needed for her/him to become healthy."
Can anyone explain to me what she might be feeling and going through emotionally while going through a separation or divorce? She has always told me that she's okay witht he separation/ divorce even though her actins sometimes say otherwise. Perhaps it would shed some light on why she broke up with me and i can get some closure.
Edited 4/8/2007 9:13 pm ET by elc_guy
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments, but I'm struggling a lot today. I can't seem to function. I wake up feeling miserable with this numb feeling inside of me. My stomach is constantly upset and i no longer find joy in my hobbies. I try to get out of this funk but I keep thinking about her. I keeping thinking why she broke up with me and why she isn't upset that our relationship is over. It seems as though she has moved on from the day we broke up. She never really gave me a good reason why she broke up with me which makes everything so much harder. It like i don't have any closure.
"A woman, or a man for that matter, freshly out or in the process of a divorce is never ever emotionally healthy to get involved in a new relationship. The baggage from the separation or divorce is so big that time and self-work is needed for her/him to become healthy."
Can anyone explain to me what she might be feeling and going through emotionally while going through a separation or divorce? She has always told me that she's okay witht he separation/ divorce even though her actins sometimes say otherwise. Perhaps it would shed some light on why she broke up with me and i can get some closure.
Edited 4/10/2007 2:27 am ET by elc_guy
Hi elc_guy,
Here's the thing, most people in a rebound situation would swear it wasn't rebound.