So hurt over breakup with fiance'

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
So hurt over breakup with fiance'
6
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 2:25pm
I kicked my fiance' out of my house on Friday b/c over the past month or so he has had no respect for me & everytime I went to him about my needs or wants he would flip out, call me horribel names (the C word, tell me I was ugly & then two weeks ago he said he was going to punch me in the jaw & break my hands. So his family was here visiting over the past few weeks and I was so nice & hospitable to them but he didn't care. He never said thank you or anything. i cooked for them & made them feel very welcome & really bonded with his kids. He called his ex's cousin on Thursday 6 times thougout the day & when I asked him what he was calling this girl about he got very defensive & started yelling at me calling me names. The very next day I let his Dad use my car & he had to pick me up from work at lunch & when he showed up 45 minutes late to get me with an attitude sayign he was looking at apartments & put a down payment on one & that when his dad left he was going to screw me over at work & move out I lost it. He called me all kinds of names again, said he didn't love etc. I called the police & had them come over while he moved his things out. Then come to find out he never put a deposit on an apartment. HE said he was trying to hurt me. I didn't talk to him for a day & them he called saying he wanted to work things out so I was upset & I let him come over but then I found out he has been calling his ex girlfriend about 10 times a day sicne I threw him out. So today I told him I knew what he was doing & that I was done with him.
I feel so used & so hurt by this man. He was so nice to me & then this other personality came out the minute I would speak my mind or ask him a question he would flip out.
I know I did the right thing but I'm just really hurt b/c I trusted him. I found out he was calling his ex for 2 weeks behind my back about 3 months ago & he apoligize d& promised it wouldn't happen again.
I'm just really down today & I don't like feeling like this. My heart is broken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 2:52pm

Hi think_alot and welcome to the board.


You did the RIGHT thing. This guy is abusive. He's also mean and a bully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 2:56pm
Well, he said he was trying to hurt you, and it may not seem like it but thats his way of avoiding his true feelings. Men sometimes hurt the women they love, especially ex's in an attempt to mask how they really feel because its EASIER. If we are mad at them for hurting us, they feel better about the relationship not working out. Letting him know that your heart is broken is the LAST thing you should do. Act like it doesnt bother you (its hard to do, but it works!) and that way he'll realize that his games and hurtfull things arent impacting you. Try it out. you may even start to move on in this process! im trying it too! Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 3:08pm
Don't feel hurt over this nightmare. Instead throw yourself a party celebrating the fact that you didn't marry him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 4:21pm
thnak you all so much. I did see a councelor yesterday when I was at my worst & it felt good to just let it all out. Part of me wishes he would call but I know it's just because my self esteem is low right now due to me allowing him to treat me the way he had. I mean, I did end it with him. Plus he's been on the phone non-stop since Friday with his ex girlfriend. I guess that's a sure sign in it's self that I didn't mean that much to him. I will be honest I did cry Sunday & last night & told him I loved him but today I sort of came to my senses. I wish I could erase his number from my head all together so I wouldn't even be tempted to make more of a fool out of myself than I probablly already have. Any advice on that? Not calling or texting at all???
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 7:08pm
Unfortunately, the best thing to do will be to cut off all contact with this jerk....he obviously had no respect for you and what love you had for him. Calling or texting him will only fuel his ego, and no amount of you saying you love him will change those nasty feelings he has towards you or make him love you. I wish you well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 7:32pm
I was in a similar situation as you so I feel your pain. It is okay to be hurt right now but believe me, things will be better. You deserve to be treated better than this man treated you. You should be thankful that this is over with. Time will help you heal. Hang out with your friends and get busy. That helped me a lot. Now I am happy.