So hurt - please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
So hurt - please help!
3
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 9:17am

Ok, well last friday my BF of over 2 1/2 years just decides we can't talk anymore, that I am bad for him. Not in the fact that I do anything wrong, that I do too much for him. We were supposed to move in together the end of this year and now he just decides he doesn't even want to be my friend. We are 25 years old and have had a great relationship. Everything has been perfect. He was "the one" I really thought I would be with forever. The thing is, up until this point he has been wonderful, a great person, and never drank (his parents are alcoholics) now he is telling me that he is going out drinking and giving up on school and me. Personally it sounds like he is depressed. But how can he do this, a complete change overnight. I'm sure maybe he is scared about moving and everything, but how do you just break down one day and be so harsh and then be upset at me for being upset. How???? What is wrong with him?? God, I mean I'm human I have freaking feelings ya know. I feel so stupid to have wasted so much time and energy and how could I think I have known him and then completely leave me high and dry?? I don't have many friends and I'm soooo upset. I feel like I can't even function, I just want to cry. I feel like I'm going crazy, I hate this feeling, I'm normally strong. But I have so many answered questions and he won't even talk to me, he gets so mad. From reading these boards everyone says no contact. But I feel I need closure. I feel like I'm too old to be feeling this way. Any advice would be great.

Am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 11:17am

well here is what i feel about closure....it sucks

my ex broke up with me two months ago out of the blue...one day he is asking me to take a trip with him and the next he doesnt see us in a relationship....just like that his feelings switched off...so naturally i was going nuts trying to figure out what his deal was.

after a month and a half i got the news that i thought i wanted that would help me move on...he is back with his ex......who he told me they were just friends....so that hurt all over again....did not make me feel any better...

so another 2 weeks goes by and i get another bombshell bit of information....he was cheating on me with her while we were dating! That just made me feel worse all over again...

and he has the nerve to still email me...

so my advice is to move on and not look back...give yourself the closure you need and do not go digging for information...it will only hurt...

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 6:19pm

I agree closure isn't that great. I thought I needed it and ended up having stuff happen between us, at the same time he was with his gf. He then tells me it was a mistake and that he thinks he's in love with her and we are completely over. Everytime I thought I wanted closure I really wanted a chance to change his mind about her and come back to me. The last phone call I had was this past Sunday with him (and deep down hope its the last one) b/c after I hung up I totally lost it all over again. We kept saying we don't want to end it this way but there's no good way to end it if you ask me. Hun, I am 24 and hurting like hell, especially since I know about his gf and how he's over me now....so I am right there with you. I feel like my world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I just pray to God to give me strength and make sure to let myself grieve. Hope this helps...I know its hard.

Debra

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:40pm
I'm sorry to hear about the break-up. It does sound like the idea of moving in may have scared him a bit and didn't you two break-up a few months back??...he may just want out....I know it's hard to deal with but you have to respect his decsion...you can't change it...only he can.....so just try to move on the best you can. I know you want closure but it doesn't sound like he is really wanting to talk....maybe you can just write a letter expressing your feelings and get it all out on paper....you don't really need to even mail it. Good luck and keep us posted...we're here if you need to talk!!











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