So I finally did it...
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| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 7:27am |
I finally broke up with him 6 weeks ago and it still really sucks...
I want to talk to him and spend time with him as I really miss his friendship, but i know that will never ever happen.
We were together for 3 years and some was good, most was not so good, so i guess i'm better off out of it, but sometimes it doesnt feel like that
i've surrounded myself with my friends but i feel like i dont want to burden them with how i'm feeling..i cry in bed at night just thinking about the good times, even though i know it would never have worked.
I'm feeling really low at the moment and I just cant seem to drag myself out of it.
I've been to a few weddings over the last few weeks and i've been getting so upset that i almost feel silly for being like that
My head is all over the place and i cant seem to focus on anything at the moment.
I have so many other things going on in my life that i really shouldn't have the time to get all sentimental about our relationship but i spend most of my days just thinking about him...the silly things like a movie that we were going to watch together and a place we were supposed to visit.
I just don't know how to get myself out of this funk. Everyone around me thinks i'm fine about it but in reality i'm broken and i dont know how to fix myself.
The easiest thing for me to do is to get back with him but it would be the same as before and i dont think i can deal with being treated like second best anymore.
The only thing is that i don't know how i should expect to be treated. I've been going out with my friends and having a great time, but if a guy even so much a s looks at me i give him the cold shoulder...i dont want to be vulnerable again but then i dont want to close myself off from a future relationship either.
In my head i know its silly to feel like this as before i met him i was strong minded and independent but i'm not sure if i would even know how to be like that again...
anyway, thats enough waffling for now...any advice would be much appreciated.
Crazy xx

Well, first of all you should be proud of yourself that you broke off a relationship that you recoginized was not giving you what you wanted. It's not easy to do that!
Don't be afraid to reach out to your friends. Let them know you are upset and you need support. I'm sure you would do the same for a friend that was going through a breakup. It's important to let your emotion out because it helps you heal.
If I went to a few weddings after my breakup, I would have been a basket case too. Of course you're happy for your friends, but it is hard to see others so in love and happy when it feels like you're whole life just fell apart.
You have to give yourself time to grieve. It's totally normal to be upset and crying a lot. It's going to take time, and you'll have some good days and some bad days.
You say the easiest thing would be to get back with him even though you know the same thing would happen again. In the short term it may feel good to be with him again, but you're right, things don't change overnight and it would likely end up the same. So why make yourself go through that again? You just have to go through the pain. It's hard, but in the end you'll be putting yourself in the best possible position - out of a relationship that isn't giving you what you need, and free to meet someone who you can have a healthy relationship with.
crazychick_79...
Pianoguy thinks you've already given yourself all the reasons why your relationship with this man WOULD NEVER WORK OUT! They came in the form of your 5 words: "most was not so good!"
So crying, pining, feeling crummy during weddings and wedding receptions, and longing for a return to "THE MISERABLE" really doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
Grab a pen and fold a piece of paper in half. Then write down all the plusses and minusses connected with this man and the 3-years you spent together. If the negatives are greater than the positives, there's no further reason to "cry over the break-up!"
You've got better things to do with your life...and probably...more interesting people to meet?
Here's hoping?
Pianoguy
Thank you guys for your advice.
It feels like something has died, and I know that a relationship is a living breathing thing, its just hard to let it go sometimes.
I do need to grieve but when I'm alone all i think about is us and the urge to call him is absolutely unbearable...even though i know he would never pick up the phone because i broke his heart too.
When we broke up he told me that he's going to New York in October and he's getting me a ticket too...if i turn up at the airport then i do and if i don't then i dont...how am i supposed to get closure from this relationship if he's still told me that he wants me?
My head is about to explode even though i know i won't go, how can i live with the guilt that i broke someone's heart?
Sandy xx
....."When we broke up he told me that he's going to New York in October and he's getting me a ticket too...if i turn up at the airport then i do and if i don't then i dont...how am i supposed to get closure from this relationship if he's still told me that he wants me?... My head is about to explode even though i know i won't go, how can i live with the guilt that i broke someone's heart?".....
I just have one piece of advice, if you really don't want to get back with this man, then please don't contact him.
It would be hugely unfair to give him. We've read on these boards so many times when the man contacts the woman he broke up with and messes up any progress she may have made. It's no different because the sexes are reversed in your case.
Stay strong. I know everyone says it, but it will get better.
well in that case i think i messed up...i contacted him as i needed to see him/talk to him because last week i was feeling like I would never ever meet anyone that I liked again and that maybe he could change and fix the things that were wrong in the relationship.
We are supposed to be meeting tomorrow but I met someone on the weekend and he wants to take me out on a date. I guess I just dont know what to do now. If i tell my ex that I can't see him tomorrow I dont want him to hate me but I really like this new guy.
I dont want him to think that he mant nothing and that I'm over him so quickly but now I've got myself in a position (entirely of my own making) that I don't know how to get out of. I don't want to face him anymore, I'm losing my nerve but I don't want to play with his emotions either as that is not fair.
Please help!
Sandy
an update
i was supposed to meet my ex today to talk things over but last night i sent him a message saying it wasn't a good idea as we're both too messed up over the situation.
He didn't reply so i assumed he felt the same, and now he just sent me a message saying that if i change my mind he'll be waiting for me.
I felt nothing when i read the message. I guess thats because i have a date lined up for friday and its given me something else to think about it.
i'm not saying that is the best thing for everyone and to be honest its the first time that i've ever considered to date someone just after breaking up with someone else.
It just that it has been nearly 2 months now and i have realised that i am allowed to feel happy. Its going to take a long time to get over my ex but at least i can have some fun whilst doing it.
I still love him and i always will but a part of me died with our relationship. I guess i'm using this board to vent on now but you would not believe how much better i feel after i've posted my message.
whether you choose to read this or not is up to you but its helping me just to believe that someone might be listening and may be able to understand what i'm feeling.
Thank you
Sandy xx