So, I went to a therapist...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
So, I went to a therapist...
11
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:33pm

Just an update about me....
I went to see a therapist this morning. I'm not even sure why I went...I'm not sure I still needed to go since having made the appointment. I originally made the appointment when I was still crying like crazy everyday and would get sudden anxiety attacks, neither of which have been happening lately. Still...I went--proceeded to feel anxious in the parking lot but managed to get out of the car and go in. It wasn't bad, although I did feel rather out of place and stupid. I mean really...I keep thinking to myself, I'm an intelligent adult! I SHOULD be able to get over this on my own! This isn't the first time I've gone through this. Truth is, this time has been very, very different. Many other things "cracked" open and my breakup was just the beginning. In my situation, it wasn't just the breakup that left me feeling so lost and hopeless. It was the dream for the future he kept alluding to. He played on my deep desires for a child. In fact, before I met him, I had come to terms with, and totally planned on becoming a single mother by choice. He told me I wouldn't have to do that and kept talking about "our kids" amongst other things. Since the break, I haven't been able to get my head back to that single mother by choice idea now that I've experienced something that was--albeit it brief--good. I really want to share that with someone. I just turned 36--THIRTY FRIGGEN SIX--two weeks ago today. The fact that time is not on my side and the fact that I'm once again single has added to my anxiety and grief. I'm also trying to get my house sold as I'm quite isolated where I live, have no life and commute 2 hours each way to work (the "joys" of working in the SF Bay area and wanting to own a house). This too adds greatly to my total depression since its not even getting looked at. Its been a whole bunch of things that have left me depressed. I almost WISH it were just the fact that I was dumped (ok, I did say "almost!").

BUT...I am getting over this. I no longer hope he will come back. Its been two months and honestly, I don't want someone like him in my life. I no longer cry all the time or get the anxiety attacks. I do still think about him all the time though, which I'm working on, but I take pride in the things I have managed to do. I even went out on two dates this weekend. Can say one will not get date #2 for sure, and I'm on the fence about the other guy, but this time I had fun and didn't cry for hours afterwards (like I did after going out with a guy three weeks ago). So there is progress and I know it will get better and better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 12:27pm

From here:Words of Wisdom from the Break Up Doctors


"What is it about us women that we feel so destroyed because someone picked someone else besides us? It is just one failed relationship — and almost everyone has quite a few of them in their lifetime. The trick is to grieve over the end of your hopes for that relationship without thinking that it predicts the future. It doesn't."
—Dr. Pepper Schwartz

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