SO MAD!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
SO MAD!!
7
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 4:42pm

My ex called last week to tell me he's got some healthy problem, so i called Friday to say briefly I was sorry to hear he's not doing well and I wish him the best. We quickly discussed a few things left to exchange (namely my passport which was being delivered to his apt). I EXPRESSLY SAID (and for the 3rd time) to just hold it all (he'd mentioned clothing of mine coming periodically back from the dry cleaners) for a month or 2 and he could ship it then or we could do an exchange as I come across things of his I have.

He just called my desk. Ofcourse I didn't answer, but I checked the VM which was him saying he has my passport and to text him my office address so he can send that to me and then another package of my clothes etc after the weekend (he's taking the trip to Montauk we were supposed to take together this weekend).

I asked him numerous times to leave me be for now, I told him he could just hold on to the things of mine he comes across, tuck them in his closet or whatever for LATER. Each time he agreed, so WHY is he calling me now? I haven't cried at work since early last week, but I just spent 10 hysterical min in the bathroom. Can I ignore him? Do I have to get back to him now?

The very worst thought, and this just occured to me now, is this his way of getting rid of EVERYTHING invovling me once and for all as soon as he can and being done with it, and if so, is that the real reason I'm so upset by this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: gal_astoria
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:03pm

You gotta ask yourself, why did you want him to hold the stuff until later?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: gal_astoria
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:21pm

But why did he agree to hold on to everything in the 1st place? We did the big exchange, the few remaining things aren't urgently needed. The only think I was expecting to change in a month or 2 was how upsetting it is to hear from him. RIGHT NOW it makes me cry, 6-8wks from now, I have a feeling I'll be in a little better shape.

Why is he asking for my office address when he's sent me things here multiple times AND it's one of the top PE firms in the country so one could easily look it up online AND he knows I still chat regularly with his bestfriends gf so he could get all this info from her? AND I emailed it to him LAST WEEK!

I told him I didn't want to hear from him for awhile, I thought it would be best for both of us. He agreed, so why couldn't he stick to it?




Edited 8/1/2007 5:34 pm ET by gal_astoria
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: gal_astoria
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:10pm

Hi,


::But why did he agree to hold on to everything in the 1st place?


To not cause a fight?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_astoria
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:39pm

You can't control what another person does. All you can control are your actions and your reactions.

It doesn't matter WHY he's doing this. He is, and that's the reality you have to deal with.

I personally would not want my passport sitting at an ex's house so I'd just text him the address and let him send the stuff to you and be done with it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: gal_astoria
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:57am
I think my main problem is that when we broke up 5 months ago, I asked him not to contact me for awhile. Then he proceeded to text me at least once a day and would be upset igf I didn't respond that day. We mutually broke up this time, we mutually decided the best way to proceed. I have all the important things I need. I can't stress enough, we both agreed to wait a month or 2 to take care of the last 3 or 4 thnigs. SInce then, he has called twice and emaile me once. Obviously this is not as bad as last time (though I've since changed my name whcih I'm sure helps). I can't go back to the way things were. Everytime he pops up in my life, I'm right back where I started. The reason I decided to leave him was because he is SO terribly self-centered. I' afraid now he just doesn't care what we discussed or how much pain he causes me over and over again. He's not malicious, he just doesn't consider anyone but himself.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_astoria
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:30am

Yes, I got that from your previous post. But again, you can't control what he does. And yes, he's terribly selfish, but you knew that.

So...given all that, what are YOU doing to prevent him from contacting you (that doesn't involve asking him not to contact you, because that's is not going to work)? You need to manage your own recovery. I know it would be great if he would cooperate but the reality is, he's not going to. There are a number of things you could do--block him from emailing you, change your number, etc.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: gal_astoria
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:14pm

There you have your answer to all your whys - "he is SO terribly self-centered."


My best advice, get your stuff back ASAP no matter what the previous agreement was - things change, situations, people, timing, etc.