So many ups and downs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
So many ups and downs
12
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:02pm

I thought that feeling depressed about breaking up with my boyfriend was the worst feeling but I think the ups and downs with my mood since then have been even worse. It's been about 3 weeks and for the first week I just felt so sad and lonely but now it just goes back and forth.

Every now and then I feel really good, it usually only lasts for like an hour or so but I feel like things are going to be okay, if not better, without him. I saw him the other day and I acted like everything was fine (which was a first) and I felt good afterwards because it was like a little milestone for me, as silly as that sounds. I didn't feel fine but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

But when it's bad, it's really bad. Like today, it was my day off from work but I'm going through finals at school so I have to be on the computer all day to write papers. Usually when I do talk to him, it's through an instant messenger. He's still on my buddy list and I noticed that he wasn't signed in all day, which he always is, and it has just been driving me crazy wondering what he's doing. He has a new girlfriend (yes, already) and he's on vacation so he said she'd be at his house the entire time. So I know that he's either out somewhere with her or there together - I can't stand the way it makes me feel. I feel like it's just tearing me up inside, thinking about what they're doing together.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 9:25am

I am also in a similar situation to you. My ex decided he wanted to date other people and is now out dating her. It is the hardest part of the breakup for me - knowing he didn't want to commit to me but then just moved on and will probably end up committing to her. It's been 20 days of no contact and each day I wonder 'will he call me today, why isn't he thinking about me?'. The hardest thing is excepting he has moved on and either did not have feelings for me (which I find hard to believe) or he has an easy way of shutting off those feelings.

Each day does get better but I still have my moments. I dread running into him and god forbid if I run into him with his new girlfriend. I avoid places where I think he may be. I have surrounded myself with friends and tried to keep as busy as possible. I deleted his numbers and him from my buddy list. It's a simple keystroke, give it a try and be proud of yourself when you do it. It can be powerful. I still know his email but at this point I am holding strong as I have come this far. You can do it too. You are young and there IS someone out there for you and, like was posted, you will look back and realize he was never the right one for you.

This board has been a great support - even just to read the posts and know I am not in this alone. There are also some great books out there that help - 'It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken' has basically been my bible. Do some things for yourself. Get rid of all his stuff. I boxed all mine up and packed that box away. As much as I want to just drop it on his doorstep, that gets me nothing. But just not seeing anything that reminds me of him has helped. Take it day by day and embrace the times when you feel strong. Remember those times when you are starting to feel down and try to turn it around. You will get through it and be stronger as a result! Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 7:05pm

Thank you so much for the support.. I must say, it really does help. Sometimes I log on just to read other's stories and replies.. it's just so reassuring to me that there's other people that are going through it and there's some who have made it through. I'm always shocked to see that there's people who are feeling the same things as me - it's those times (and usually only those times) that I think, wow I'm not crazy!

It's still extremely painful when I think about it, which is like always, but I'm trying. Today I deleted his name from my buddy list but I didn't block him so he could contact me if he wanted to (yes, I'm still waiting for this).. it's a start, I guess.. at least I don't have to keep checking to see if he's on. I'm not ready to throw away all of the stuff of ours yet.. I figure that it's still early (about 4 weeks) and even though he has a new girlfriend there's still a possibility that he'll come to his senses and come back.. I wish I would stop thinking that because I think it's probably making this a lot more difficult. It's strange, even though we're not dating anymore I still feel like he's cheating on me with her. I think maybe I should try reading one of those relationship books that were suggested.. I've even considered therapy.. I feel like I just need something to 'shock' me out of it.

Pages