so much pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
so much pain
1
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:14am


Hi Everybody,

I'm new here, and about to tell you my sad story. Im 42, attractive, intelligent, college educated w/ a decent job. What i'm struggling with now is this:

I met a man 8 mos ago, who answered my personal ad. We fell in love right away. He's 48, and has an 11 yr old daughter. He's from a European country, been here 23 years, self-employed in the trades, very little formal education. He lived a fair distance from me, and soon I began spending every weekend at his place, and moved a fair amount of clothes into his house. He was so loving and supportive, I'm a very emotional person and he was always there for me emotionally, more than anyone has ever been. I just found him amazing, so loving, so happy so wonderful. And we had an amazing sexual connection, very powerful. I let him know I wanted to be married, and would not live w/ someone w/o marriage. So he bought me a ring about 3 mos after we met and we became engaged. I'd never been so happy in my life.

Well yesterday morning i moved out and i guess we're broken up. As time went on, i guess it became clearer to me and him that we had little in common, but we both loved eachother. But then one big problem has been his daughter. she misbehaves, takes my stuff, uses it, etc., and he absolutely will not discipline her in any way. she informed him last week that she wouldn't come over when i was there, and from then on he's pulled away from me, been cold and withholding, and we just argued and argued about it all. i don't like his daughter, but i would have been willing to try and get along, but then he brought up a bunch of other stuff about how i don't like motorcycle events he goes to, don't like hanging out at this divey local bar he goes to after work, all this "blue collar" stuff that i don't relate to. he didn't exactly break up w/ me. it was sort of mutual. but somehow it's clear that he could have saved the relationship, that i want it so bad, but he didn't. he just said he loved me more than anything, but he didn't see how it could work w/ his daughter.

Now i'm just dealing w/ that hell of the first night alone. We talked on the phone probably every 3 or 4 hours, including first thing every a.m. and last thing at night, and saw eachother constantly for the past 8 mos. he was my main source of support for dealing with my health problem (which seems to be getting somewhat better thank god). I told him not to call or contact me b/c i do have experience and know that contact can set you back. But my God, girls, how do you DO it? I woke up at 4 this a.m., thinking and thinking, praying, trying to meditate and stay calm. Few tears at this point. maybe later. Just devastated at the loss. So sudden. He said he'd be w/ me till one of us died. i know he meant it. this is so horrible.

thx for any thoughts or advice.

scorp

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: scorp2001
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:43am

Scorp, I've wondered how you were doing...and am sorry to hear that you're going through another painful breakup.

The one good thing I find about having gone through painful breakups before is that I *know* that, as awful as I'm feeling at the time of the breakup, I *will* feel better in time. You know as well as I do that time, no contact and acceptance that you're not right for each other are the keys.

But for right now, it's all about just getting through, hour by hour. "The only way out is through".

Sheri