so my mom dropped this bomb today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
so my mom dropped this bomb today....
11
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 11:45pm

Hey everyone

So I was on this message board about 3 ago when my relationship blasted off into the relationship junkpile.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 12:28am

Hi Unicornssong, I'm glad to hear you've been moving on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 9:10am

Hey I remember you! I was under a different username then because I tend to get banned on pretty much a monthly basis. I might have been secretlobster or eggbertshootsfire.

Anyway I get how you feel. Even though you've moved on from your feelings, something came out of nowhere and, like a terrible time machine, made you visit those feelings again under the context of him making the ULTIMATE COMMITMENT to another woman.

Something similar happened to me. I dated a guy for over three years, I wanted to get married the whole time (I was a young idiot who just wanted a ring), and when he finally started dating again, he proposed to the next girl after like four months of dating. I said I was happy for them, and that they looked like a great couple. The day after they got married, she (the new wife) Emailed me to say how awful I was, how much his family hated me and preferred her, listed all of the things he bought for her ('a five bedroom, two-and-a-half-bath house [in the sticks of PA]), and basically made herself out to look like a real insecure witch. I laughed so hard, and I could only respond with "I had hoped Matt would have found someone more mature than I was at nineteen. Enjoy your special house." and then I blocked her Email address. Okay maybe I haven't grown up that much but I did have a good time getting the last word in :)

My guess is that your ex is not living a dream. Because he married another girl doesn't make her more special than you. It doesn't make her better. It just means that's the way his life went, for better or worse. At the end of your lives, do you think it will matter who got married first? I think you will be ok!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 2:28pm
Just to add to what others have written, let your mom and any friends know that you no longer want to hear news of your ex. It brings up negative feelings that you need to have closure with. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 12-26-2010 - 6:14pm
You know, I expect to hear any day now that my ex has married the girl he dumped me for. And all I can think is "good for him". He wasn't and is not the right man for me, so at least if he's married I know he won't try to bother me anymore (he tried for a while but after no response from me he gave up).
Sooo...this guy wasn't right for you either. If he didn't feel like he wanted to marry you he certainly wasn't the right one! The right one WILL want to marry you. You sound like a fabulous catch...like I told my bestie, who was a little envious of me when I married at 22...something and someone fantastic is in store for you and good things take time. So, when you meet your terrific new husband-to-be, you will be 1000% glad you never got stuck with Mr. I Don't Want To Get Married Ever.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 4:16pm

Hi,

There's a couple reasons you're crushed by the news of your Ex's marriage.

1)There's always a hope -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2010
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 8:15am

Hi,

Im glad that you've moved on. I have had this same situation occurr over and over again. The guy says he's not ready to commit, then we break up,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 2:14pm
sounds like you are better off, plus obvoiuusly this man was not your soul mate, he would have taken the time to let u know things weren't all rosey in the relationship. cut your loss and move on, focus on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 7:37pm

First, you are so strong for having picked up your life and pursued your career goal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 12:49pm
stillstanding1019 wrote:
Sooo...this guy wasn't right for you either. If he didn't feel like he wanted to marry you he certainly wasn't the right one! The right one WILL want to marry you. You sound like a fabulous catch...like I told my bestie, who was a little envious of me when I married at 22...something and someone fantastic is in store for you and good things take time. So, when you meet your terrific new husband-to-be, you will be 1000% glad you never got stuck with Mr. I Don't Want To Get Married Ever.

This is excellent advice and I totally agree!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 2:56pm
Hey girl!

So, the ex got married, huh? And you feel like you're missing out on what, exactly? Because from what I remember, when the breakup happened and the stories and memories started to surface, I don't remember being all that impressed by how he had been with you. Bear in mind that if you had stayed with him, you probably wouldn't
....."I bounced back. it took a while, but I'm in med again (if you're in nyc, give me a shout), I've met a lot of fantastic people (held off on the dating to focus on school)"......
You love when I do that.

Anyway, I hate when folks think that just because someone didn't marry *them* that means they were either a.) not good enough or b.) unlovable. All crap. It just means that THAT PERSON wasn't right for you, and that is all. And this is a GOOD THING because belive me when two people aren't right for each other and insist on marrying, they're either going to be miserable or divorced soon enough, and I don't want that for you, so yay for avoiding disaster!

So you keep being fabulous you, and the next time I'm in NYC, I'ma come looking for you, chica '-)

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