so sad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
so sad...
3
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 8:14am
i just want things to make sense again. i'm so tired of this pain that i never, ever dreamed i'd be feeling. i didn't go into this relationship with him to fail, to let it end like this. why is nothing making sense to me? why is this person i knew so well being so distant? what can i do to help him see it's okay to have some differences, to have things to work out? i just can't get over the my belief that we are meant to be. i'm 28 and he's 33 we knew on our first date we were meant. what happened? was i blind? i mean i was there the whole entire time experiencing all the great times with him so why didn't i see this coming? i don't get it. he says we need to take this month (we are 2 weeks into the month) to see where we stand but i think he wants to see if he misses me. if i'm hurting this bad and i miss him so much than doesn't that say something for what we had? i'm just so sad when i think this could be the end. i've never wanted something to work as much as this. nothing we had on our plate was that bad...we were both so good to each other. could it be he just doesn't love me like i do him? i hate this so much. help.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: k_scarlett_k
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 11:25am

It takes two people to have a successful relationship. You alone cannot "will" him into feeling the same way you do by the power of your feelings for him.

He may well love you a whole lot, as much as you love him, but he may also realize that love isn't enough to have a successful, healthy relationship. He may realize he's not capable of being in one right now. There are so many variables it's impossible to say what he's thinking. But in less than 2 weeks, you will have a better idea.

I know it's hard...but accepting that you don't have control over another person is an important lesson to learn, regardless of whether you stay together or not.

Sheri

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: k_scarlett_k
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:15pm

I have never understood the concept "meant to be", as if the universe somehow wills things to happen? To me, life is more about what you make it, your ability to create the life you want. And in relationships, this takes two people with the same goals and enough life experience to know how to do it and the desire to make it happen with one another.

You may want to spend some time figuring out why you want this to work so badly. It may have more to do with something you need outside the relationship. Being single is a wonderful state of being also. (Can't believe I said that. I must be making progress, huh, Sheri?!!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
In reply to: k_scarlett_k
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 5:02pm
i hear what you are both saying and it's not about needing him, it's about wanting him in my life. i have been single and i did utilize that time to "find" myself. he walked into my life and presented a person i absolutely fell for...NOT because i needed him or anyone. my life is full of amazing friends and family...i am truly blessed in this aspect of my life. don't get me wrong i appreciate your words but please let me correct you...i don't need him and i don't think i can will/control him back into my life. i'm just in love with someone who isn't sure he loves me and it breaks my heart. before he and i got together he was single for about 7 yrs...he admits himself that he isn't the best in relationships. this is his struggle. i'm just sad i see the positive and can't just walk away from this disappointing behavior.