so sad and hurt...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
so sad and hurt...
2
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 10:14am

am extremely upset. Here's a little background info...

I have been dating a guy for 6 months. There is a 10 year span between us - he's 32 i'm 22 - and we met while I was doing my internship in NYC, and I live and go to college in Maine. We both knew that we would have to part ways once August came b/c i have to go back to college for my senior year. Within that 6 month span we have become closer... especially within the past month - 2 months. He's opened up to me more as have i to him.

2 nights ago was our last time together. I told him that I was really going to miss him and that I was sad to be leaving him. He told me that I shouldn't be sad and that we should look back on all the good times we had together. I agreed, but I don't think he understands that I have really deep feelings for him. I really want to be with him and i told him that I did and that i would be willing to try to carry on a long-distance thing, but he told me that he was "too old to be doing the long-distance thing" and that i should be free to enjoy my senior year of college.

Our relationship was amazing. We hardly argued and we could carry on long political conversations, intellecutal conversations and we could even spend hours just being stupid together. We really clicked, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. I really feel like i could have married this guy someday. I don't want to give him up and what we have, so easily. What really hurts was when he decided to be honest and said that if another girl came along and he was interested in her, he would run with it. And that really hurt because i feel like I might have just been a fling for him.

My plan is to return to NYC after graduation to persue a career. He has told me that He would like me to come back and is even willing to help me find something. But there's a 9 month span in between that, and I'm very nervous and afraid that he will find someone else, and meanwhile I will be wallowing in my own sadness over losing him.

I do plan on seeing him once or twice this fall. He'll come to Maine once or so, to spend a weekend and I will go to NYC once or so to spend a weekend and attend one of the football games that he holds season tickets to. we have talked briefly about it. it's just that now, i don't know what i should do, or how i should talk to him, or when i should talk to him, email him, text him, and i don't know what i should be like when we finally meet again. But for the meantime, I am very hurt, and it feels like my heart and soul has been broken...I have pretty much been inconsolable since that last night together - crying, no appetite, feeling empty, etc. - and I don't know what to do. Even though he told me that he'd keep in touch, It's so hard to go from something special to nothing at all - I'm afraid i'm going to slip into a depression b/c i don't have many people in my life who understand what's going on.

Please help.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 1:48pm

Hi, I responded to your post on another board, but just wanted to give you a cyber hug, and wish you lots of strength as you move on. As I said in my response, I don't think being friends with him is a good idea right now...pretending to be ok with a platonic friendship when you're not is SOOO painful.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 3:22pm
What if YOU meet someone during those months, and you connect with them better than you connect with him? It's your senior year in college, don't close yourself off to opportunities because of this guy. If it was meant to be he would be willing to stay with you, or you will go back to NYC and be with him after the 9 months. Speaking from experience, however, when you are apart from someone for a while and then get to see them for a weekend, it only makes things harder, esp. harder for you to move on. You will see them and wish it was longer, and just get upset all over again after they leave.