So why does he say to call him?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
So why does he say to call him?
6
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 8:09am

Just ended relationship with someone who could never discuss anything beyond the superficial topics of what activities we participated in. (Films, museums, etc) There were so many signs that he wasn't interested in more. After 6 months of dating, he never introduced me to his friends, I never met anyone from his family, and he rarely came to see me. I would always have to visit him at his house. He also disliked speaking on the phone. When we were not together he limited our communication to email.

When I went to see him for the last time, I told him it "just didn't work" and he said "you're probably right." But then, curiously, he asked me to call him when I get back from vacation so we could have dinner.

Perhaps he wants to be friends but I feel like it would be more of the same in a non-sexual relationship w/ him. He had lied/withheld info to/from me on several occasions. I don't trust him. And instead of TELLING me he was not into having a relationship, (though he BEHAVED that way) I had to figure it out for myself, which caused a lot of unecessary confusion for me. (He would say one thing yet do another, for instance: a month ago when I asked him if he still wanted to continue our relationship, he said YES & that he would tell me if he did not, yet he behaved in ways that told me he was not interested, such as cancelling travel plans together and going on his own ... this made me suspect he was seeing someone else ... again, he would not be straight with me when I asked him if it were true ... he would say he was in a bad mood and could we talk about it in a few days, but then when the day came to talk he sidestepped the issue.)

However, when together, we always had a great time. We liked a lot of the same things and enjoyed those experiences very much. I guess that is what kept me interested in the relationship, but because he kept such control over everything, my gut senses more of the same confusion if we were to be friends. Which I do not want as I don't believe a good time is worth the aftermath of confusion, and he is so unwilling to talk with me on that level.

The problem is that we travel in the same circles, and I am sure to run into him at some point. Any advice?? He never had anything positive to say about his exes, (according to him, they were all "crazy" ... wonder why?) so I'll be a little nervous if I see him.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:28pm

If you don't want to be friends with him (and I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to be), then don't. Who cares what HE wants or why???

When you run into him out and about, be cordial and polite, but that's it.

Sheri

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 1:24am
They were all crazy because he made them that way! Do you have any doubts about that? It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about not wanting to be friends. A frienship with him would be just about as satisfying as three week old bread with rancid butter spread on top. In other words, not something you would savor. And it sounds like you know that. Next time he calls, tell him you've thought about it and have decided that you need the relationship to end completely, being friends just won't work for you. Then stick to it. When you run into him, nod politely and keep walking.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 3:14pm
Thank you for your advice! Yes, the more I think about it the happier I am without him. Spending all that time wondering when I'd get the next email was awful, in retrospect. He had a lot of control over the situation, it was not a 50/50 deal and that would not make for a good friendship either .... I think I'll be much happier without all the stress wondering whether or not he really wanted me in his life. Next time I'll ask better questions sooner, so I don't get caught up in this scenario again.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:04pm
I agree that you should lose this guy as both a bf and friend. Would you tolerate distrust in a girlfriend? The best way you can show him you respect yourself is by respecting yourself (ie-losing someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve)
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:30pm
I have to say, your situation sounds exactly like my life. The only difference is that O have been with this guy for a little over two years. I met his mother once because we graduated college together and I met her at the ceremony. He never introduced me to any of his friends because "they all hated me", even though they never met me. ( I should also point out that most of them were females that wanted to be with him) all of the other stuff that you said, I experienced too.
ANYWAY, we have been broken up for almost a month now and I am still trying to deal. We shared alot together and I always thought he would "grow up" and realize what a relationship means. That never happened.
I broke up with him. Initially we had decided to try and remain friends, we hung out together and went out dinner, things like that but it always lead back to getting intimate again and creating more confusion as to What we were. About two weeks ago I asked him to not talk to me/ call me anymore. I still miss him like crazy and think about him everyday but ut is getting easier this way. Just yesterday he sent me a msg saying he missed me. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not. How is it working for you?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 5:51pm
Well- I have not heard from him except the other day he sent a link to something funny. Guess he thinks there's not much to be upset about. But I am very sad, but that is to be expected. I am leaving town for vacation and tho I know it won't make me forget about him - it will open my head up a bit for new possibilities. I keep telling myself to move on and let go of it. With time it happens. I saw this the other day:
http://www.ezinearticles.com/?The-Best-Break-Up-Advice&id=13955
Maybe you will find it useful?