Some advice for a first-timer?
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Some advice for a first-timer?
| Wed, 09-01-2004 - 2:05am |
Exactly one week ago my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. He's the first person I've really truly loved - the first person that I honestly considered spending my life with. Thus, he is also the first person to break my heart.
I never knew I could feel this much pain. It's been a week and I feel like I've been broken in half. I feel so alone and so very hurt. I honestly didn't expect it. He and I actually looked at engagement rings online less than a week earlier.
The day after it happened I left town for 5 days to be with my sister - I didn't know what else to do. I called in sick for 3 days and just left. I've cried everyday - all day for the first 4 days. And it's not that I feel any better now, I'm just out of tears. Either I feel completely numb or so hurt I'm overwhelmed by it. I've spoken to him once since last week and no matter what I tell myself before I speak to him, no matter how strong I feel, I fall apart when I actually hear his voice - even recordings.
I can't even bring myself to say that we've broken up without completely losing it. I've been avoiding friends, family, everybody. I keep thinking that I'm going to see him walk through the door at the end of the day or I catch myself waiting for his calls. But the one person I want to see isn't coming home anymore and he's not going to be calling. I do n't know how to handle that.
I'm coming apart at the seams and I don't know what to do. I don't even feel functional. I've never been like this before - I've always been the "strong one" even after breakups. Maybe that's why this scares me so much.
I never knew I could feel this much pain. It's been a week and I feel like I've been broken in half. I feel so alone and so very hurt. I honestly didn't expect it. He and I actually looked at engagement rings online less than a week earlier.
The day after it happened I left town for 5 days to be with my sister - I didn't know what else to do. I called in sick for 3 days and just left. I've cried everyday - all day for the first 4 days. And it's not that I feel any better now, I'm just out of tears. Either I feel completely numb or so hurt I'm overwhelmed by it. I've spoken to him once since last week and no matter what I tell myself before I speak to him, no matter how strong I feel, I fall apart when I actually hear his voice - even recordings.
I can't even bring myself to say that we've broken up without completely losing it. I've been avoiding friends, family, everybody. I keep thinking that I'm going to see him walk through the door at the end of the day or I catch myself waiting for his calls. But the one person I want to see isn't coming home anymore and he's not going to be calling. I do n't know how to handle that.
I'm coming apart at the seams and I don't know what to do. I don't even feel functional. I've never been like this before - I've always been the "strong one" even after breakups. Maybe that's why this scares me so much.
I would really appreciate some advice on how to cope from others out there. How do I get past this?
Thank You

It helped me to write in a journal, and get out some of those thoughts so I didn't keep thinking them over and over again. Also, reading helped me as well. Two books that I read and really had some good advice "The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup" and "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". You can go on Amazon and order these for less than $1 in most cases.
You really should talk to at least one or two close friends, don't avoid them- they can be a great support system for you. Also, just keep posting here... there's lots of supportive people going through the same thing and who will help you. Take good care hon, and hang in there! : )
"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...
I actually picked up a book today - but I don't think it was quite what I was looking for - I'll be sure to take a look at the two books that you've suggested.
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
IvyBlue
(sorry for the long response..)
I just wrote about my situation yesterday on this message board, you should read it, its titled "Some Hope"... I was in your shoes.. I still am. I was head over heels in love with my ex. I helped him remodel his house (for a future life, we planned on the wedding, kids, the works.) Within a month of asking my mom for her permission to marry me, and a week of telling our mutual friend that he wanted him to go shopping for a ring together with him, he broke up with me because "something was missing".
Well, as it turned out, the "Something" was his ex-girlfriend, his first true love, and probably his only love.
I am still really hurt by my situation, and at first I wanted to crawl into a hole and not talk to anyone. I did what you did, took a few days off from work, flew out to Phoenix to hide from my world, and clear my mind, but it didnt help. What helped was finally realizing that my life wasnt over. I cant tell you when that happened, but I can tell you that it did. One day, after falling asleep in tears, I woke up and knew I would be ok.
It's been hard for me, and I'm sure you think that no one else gets it, but they do. Everyone has been there... this was my first time dealing with a broken heart, I was always the one to break it off with my boyfriends, so I never felt the pain that I do this time. It's ok though.. I promise. There are awesome things ahead of you, and as my best friend tells me everyday that something bad or crazy happens, "One day, you'll laugh about this." Its true. Now she and I laugh about how we caught my ex and his 'ex' on the couch together in deep conversation shortly after he and I broke up. We laugh about how he acted like an idiot at her wedding and even though I didnt see it, its on her wedding dvd forever!
It took me 2 months before I could even begin to think about meeting new people, and then the type of people I met made me want to join a convent and never have to deal with society on that level again.. but, my friends kept encouraging me, and I ended up meeting a really nice guy. Who knows and who cares where it goes, I'm just happy knowing that I do have a tomorrow. You will too.
Take care of yourself... talk to your friends, go out with the girls..
One day, you'll laugh about this too...
Kicia_78