somebody stop me!
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somebody stop me!
| Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:40am |
I can't stand it. I want to go over there right now and
yell at him. I want to scream and tell him how awful what he
did to me was. I want to email him and tell him what a jerk
he is. I want to call his brother and tell him what he did to
me. I can't take it!!!!!!!!!
Please, somebody tell me why I shouldn't!!!!!!!!!

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Just do it all in a letter....write something up, which will let out all the anger but don't mail it.
It will make you feel better, believe me.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Rob
Pick up a pen and paper and write him an UNSENT hate letter instead. Tell him everything you want to say in the letter, then burn it.
Trust me, you don't want to go over there.
Dont do it!!!!!!! I have done it, all it got me was feeling stupid and desperate. You just have to sit back and wait, the anger and hurt subsides, sooner for some than others, I wish I knew your original story, I will look for it....
By you going over there, it gives him any kind of reassurance of why NOT to be with you anymore.... i got called a psycho, when all of it was hurt passion coming out, because I didn't understand how he could let US go, etc.
On the other hand, ignoring him totally worked out great for me in the past month of my posting, etc.... it was a long two weeks, and I was dying every second of the day, even dreamed of him, but I ignored his calls, his texts, etc.... seen him at my gym, totally ignored him, etc.... We are back together, and from past issues, my yelling, crying, carrying on made him want to run.... this time, I showed him I can live, and will live happily ever after with or without you. He admitted that my giving him his space, showed him and gave him the insight he needed to realize what he wanted and what he missed. He lost ten pounds, couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate at work, and was miserable every single day. Now if I had been doing all my drama queen stuff, it would have never worked out this quickly or smoothly.
I assure you, it is for the best not to let him think you are being crazy, or dramatic, etc... focus on you, (I know, easier said than done) and things will get easier for you, and whatever you do, try, try, try not to think about him AT ALL!!!!
Good luck, keep us posted!
Hugs,
Louise
Well....
I was getting pretty upset, nearly in tears. I had some stuff to
do for my son's school, so I left work under the guise of doing
those errands. I went by the house to collect my self, then grabbed
the paper work for my son's school and left for school.
As you may know the ex's house is very near mine. I rarely see him
when I have to drive by, but today I was not so lucky. He was
outside mowing his lawn and flagged me down. I didn't want to stop,
but I did. We had a piece of business to discuss, which we have
been doing via email. (we have a side business that we still work
on together. My part is mostly on the computer so I don't ever have
to see him, I just email it in) We discussed the upcoming social
event which we should both attend, some of the guests, who would
take care of whom, I asked him who got custody of these folks
in the divorce which I thought was funny, but he didn't.
We continued with some idle chit chat, I fidgeted with stuff
in my car to keep from having to look at him. Then I noticed something.
As he would move closer, I moved away. And I had my arms crossed,
tightly around myself. I read once that when you do that you are
protecting yourself. I don't ever remember in my whole life doing
that in his presence. I apologized for the drive by, told him I
avoided it whenever possible and assured him that I would rather
use another route when I could and that when I did have to drive
by I preferred not to look toward his house. He began talking about
passing me in traffic the other day and did I see him and he couldn't
wave yadayada... before I knew it I was walking away, got in
my car and drove away. No goodbye, no see ya later, nothing.
Just left him standing there talking, or so I guess, because I didn't
even turn around to see.
I was nice, I wasn't bitter, I did make one or two smart remarks,
but being smart*** is pretty normal for me. I didn't want to
yell at him. I don't recognize him right now. He looks different.
All I wanted to do was get away from him.
So I did.
I'm not sure how I feel now. I didn't want to yell. I didn't even
want to talk, I just wanted to get the heck away from him.
Maybe this means I can get over him.
Patti
I have no clue what has gone in your life. I do know by the sound of your post that you have a belief the behaviors you desire to perform will somehow make it all right. If only they knew or he knew. And I am going to tell them or him how I feel. Why? Because you can't stand it. Yep, if you barge over where ever and give those folks a piece of your mind they will all of sudden see the light and you will be cured of whatever it is that you can't stand. This solution gets fantastic results all of the time - NEVER.
What does get fantastic results if for you to stop, breath and approach your situation logically. I will make no contribution on this front because I have no idea what you can't stand.
Oh and to answer your question. Why you shouldn't is that if you do you will prove a point and it will not be your own. Make your point more constructively. I kinda like the version of move on and be happy. That one leaves everyone off balance except you.
criminalattorney,
Had I thought that it was a good idea to yell at my ex,
I would have done so without consulting the board. It
is understood that no one benefits from such a display,
however much it may serve to relieve frustration. I seem
to have entered the anger stage of grieving, quite normal
as I understand. You may be able to better deal
with such emotions,and I applaude you! I am ending a
7 year relationship and a thirty year friendship.
I found that I was having difficulty. I turned here for
support.
Your response, however well intentioned, was insulting. We
come here so that we have a safe haven, a place where we can
express our emotions and vulnerabilities. You may not be aware,
but you come off as more than a little condescending. I
appreciate your concern and I thank you for taking the time
to respond. I question your delivery.
Yes, I can tell you the outcome! He thought he was the one being 'smart' and playing mind games with me, because I ALWAYS kept my dignity and remained calm and 'together', even though I was an emotional wreck! But that was the problem - in the end I went to his flat, let myself in (he wasn't there) and took back all my posessions (We had stayed 'friends' and I bought most of the stuff in his flat) then I left a very angry note,pinned to his wall, and left!
He was livid! But mostly because he knew that, at last I had had enough and he couldn't manipulate me anymore! Now he is the one who is suffering and I feel better than I have done for ages! I have cut off his 'support' system and got him out of my life.
I am now with a wonderful man who treats me with love and respect.
There is an amazing story behind all this, but I won't bore you with the details - all I can say is that I was divorced from a 'manic-depressive' first time round, second time I was widowed at 46 from a wonderful marraige, and the last 6 yrs has been spent with a sociopathic alcoholic! But no matter how many times I made the wrong choice, or had my heart broken, I have recovered and got stronger - even though, at the time it seemed like I would not!
There is hope for everyone out there - all you need is good friends to keep listening to your agony and not 'judge'.
Hope this helps.
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