SOS--Going to be sick; send help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
SOS--Going to be sick; send help
5
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:28pm
Had to delete.. don't really want my thoughts "out there" right now..time to heal.. Thanks for the responses.


Edited 7/14/2006 10:27 am ET by catalpa8
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:52pm

Ugh, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so normal to search for a reason "why"...but you know what? Focusing on the "why" just keeps you stuck.

Maybe his being bipolar is the reason, maybe it's an excuse. You're never going to know (and I was with someone who is bipolar for 4 years so I do have some familiarity with the disorder). FWIW, however, bipolar disorder is actually one of the hardest disorders to treat, because people who are don't like staying on their medication (it makes them feel too "flat"--they *like* the strong highs and lows and miss them when they are medicated).

In any event, regardless of why he ended it, and whether he is treatable or not...that doesn't matter. The bottom line is, he ended it and you need to accept that (which is what the grieving process leads you to--acceptance).

And you may never get an apology or acknowledgement that he treated you poorly. Some guys just don't ever feel the need to apologize--they don't like to take responsibility for their actions. I've found that most do, eventually, but it's usually months or even *years* down the road, well after the time when it would have actually *helped*, LOL.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:56pm
It's hard to know why people's feelings change, but I don't think it was because of his illness. Manic depression is serious and he wouldn't be ok one day and sick the next. What you have to concentrate on is that he said he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Plus, he's looking at the personal ads, so it's not like he doesn't want to be in ANY relationship. It's hard to look at it like that, but it is the truth. And you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, right? There is nothing wrong with you, it just didn't work out for whatever reason. Sometimes you'll never know the *real* reason and you can analyze it to death (I know I do), but you always have to come back to the basic fact: the person does not want to be in the relationship anymore. Just because you are dating someone who is a different type than you usually date, doesn't mean things will automatically work out. People are people in the end, and sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we want. I agree that he treated you very poorly - acting like everything was great one minute and then abruptly ending it. It sounds like after the first breakup you mentioned, you did a lot of soul searching and made changes in your life. Just because this relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean it all went to waste or that you failed. You just have to get back up, dust yourself off, and keep going. There are so many people in this world. People who will cherish you and treat you right! Feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:13pm
Ugh.. that made me feel so much worse.. But, thanks -- I needed a wake-up call. Everyone who knows me is giving me the kid glove response: "he doesn't know what he's doing right now, he is not well...he is not himself..."
He ended it. It is over. My pride is hurt. I will recover. I have, btw, started dating someone else. It's a rebound thing, but it he is a catch. And, I'm going on vacation tomorrow so I won't have to see Mr. Rollercoaster out and about in town with his online dates. Yippee.
THANKS AGAIN!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:53pm
I just had an epiphany: I think this is a bit of karma biting me in the arse, too.
My whole "I am so much better than him", condescending-to-date-him-attitude got me in the end. I mean, that is the WORST attitude to have going into a relationship. I never realized it and am pretty embarrassed to read my my postings now.
When I was dating the guy, I would say to people "he's kind of a dork..." I am sure he picked up on that. He showed me in the end, I guess.
I don't doubt he's got, at least, some kind of depression...however, my underlying vibe was negative and it must've gotten to him on some level. I am keeping myself in check next time. I am humbled, if nothing else. I don't deserve to be treated like dirt, but I DO deserve a big wake up call. thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:13pm

I was about to reply to you about exactly that when I saw your epiphany :)

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