SOS, should I contact him ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
SOS, should I contact him ???
15
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 4:10pm

It was a month yesturday, when my boyfriend of a year 1/2 called me sobing that he neded to figure out about us, so he needed to be alone. He said it was going to be very hard for him bacuse he really, reaaly loved me. But wasen´t sure.


Saw him a week later having lunch with a girl.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=25440.1&ctx=128


I swore he would call me, he hasn´t , I haven´t either but am about to.


I have a perfect excuse to text him, I found his tee-shirt that he loves and I had it.


The reason I wonder if a text message is ok, is because he is soooooooo insecure, I used to contact him usually when we started off more than a year ago ..... he would only call me after I text´d him


I am BIG TIME DEPRESSED,I am going to therapy but still DEPRESSED the pain and apathy is killing me, I´m just SAD and feel like crying all day today, BAD DAY ........... I guess I thought he would even miss me a little and contact me since it´s been 1 month.


what should I do


what could be the worst if I contact him ?


I think he would be scared to contact me because he probably thinks I´ll reject him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 8:13pm

thanks so muych i_amity


yes I guess it is like a death and him being that other person is part of the overwelming pain.


How long did it take you to get over him ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 3:14am

HI Antonia66


Im very sorry to hear about what happened.


First I want to say that you are a very brave and strong person.. you might not feel that way, but resisting to call him for one month you are a champion. You are showing him your fine without him


BUT the only thing im concerned about is that you are hurting and you are not fine without him. All the feelings you feel and how he has made you feel are eating you up.


what your feeling is normal and eventually you wont feel as sad,


I know i went through something the same, but no matter what you cant give up,


Take this sad experience as an opportunity, it seems you were very dependant on this guy,


You need to have a look at yourself and study who you are, what you really loved about the relationship, maybe you just wanted someone there..mayb you got too used to him


So you have to start fresh, its hard i know.. but remember if you walk into a hospital there are people who would rather have a broken heart than an incurable illness.


and go out with friends,, you will meet new people and they will help you without you realising, you cant stop your life.


Of course its fair to cry!..


But listen. i think you can always right him an email and jsut let him know how he made you FEEL and hurt you, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 3:49am

i am really not over my ex... in a literal sense. i am over what he did, and over his actions, and i have realized, i cannot change him, or get him back, that i must accept that, and i have. i find it is more like trying to fall out of love with him than trying to get over him or trying to accept that the love i once had is gone. im trying to be positive and realize he wasn't right for me. some days are way harder than others. i am over a month into the process, but some days i just break down. like weekends are the worst for me... i try so hard to get out and get my mind off him, but sometimes i end up coming home crying because i feel like i will never find anyone like him. i have my good and bad days, but the good are more than the bad now. the grieving process is not easy, and is not steady. like right now... is pretty tough, tonight, was tough. i'm just tired, and havent ate all day and have been working and im dealing with a lot of other stuff in my life, and sometimes it comes down to just that, remembering that i just got broken up with and that i can't expect too much from myself.

just take care of yourself and let time heal you. take everything day to day (which im not doing by the way). i keep thinking i can take on everything and realize, emotionally, im not ready to overwhelm myself with certain things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 7:09pm

Hi roxete


Yes I was kind of dependant on him, but thats because he was like that all the time.


He wanted me to do everything with him, he didn{t like when I went out with my girlfriends, he was very insecure,but I just learned how to play along, so we did get into this " do everything tiogether" relationship, his family really liked me.


Last December my mom got sick and died in February wich made me very vulnerable and then i did really rely on him, maybe I went overboard but since that was the way we were......... I thought it was ok. I don{t know if the fact that getting to close ( both ways) just scared him off or if he met somone else, the truth of the matter is that it just happend within 4 to 5 days..... OVER . Or maybe he had been feeling it alalong, there were mixed signals.


Thursday I went out with some girlfriends and had a good time, Friday I did the same but suddenly got the erge to stand up and drive home,I cried all the way .


Thank you guys soooo much for being here for me .


My girlfriends ( all in good will ) just say like:


" ohhhhh he has another girl, forget about him" ..... or " uhhh hes just a looser " ......... it{s like I can{t tell them " ok, youre right but you know he was my loving boyfriend for more than a year and we had a great loving , sharing relationship, let me atleast grieve it out, I{m hurting and believe me I am trying to do everything to let it go, I try to get up and shower and go work, I try to go out with the girls and smile, ......."


only one girlfriend tells me : " ......... ofcourse you have to be lonely, sad and cry, you wouln{t be human if you didn{t....."


But I am aware that i have been NEEDY all my life but I{ve gone to therapy aparently my fathers abandonment marked me and even though I{ve read books about those issues, giving to much, being needy, it{s just something you have biult in and I promise atleast I tried not to do it in this relationship, maybe when my mom died , but before I tried to you know, let HIM call me etc....etc....


Sorry for getting so long but I{ve found this message board to relly help me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 7:21pm

yeah i_amity


just like that, some days are bad , I only have " all of the sudden " good times , but still more bad than good, I think thats also because i am alone.


Like you say we like tell ourselfs ( because everybody expects you to ), OK GET UP, it^s been a month, you should be alright, stop the PATHETIC grieveing, but I^ve read through the net and also here that it comes in stages and that its one of the most terrible things people go through , we have to get permision to just feel the emotions.


And Roxete , its eating me up, and I

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