Started No Contact - very lost w/out him
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Started No Contact - very lost w/out him
| Fri, 01-18-2008 - 6:44pm |
Hi guys. Introduction: I am 23, my ex is 26. As I posted a while ago, I broke up with my boyfriend "N" three weeks ago because I loved him (we dated 1.5 years

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Hi nicole_rj,
Keep going with No Contact.
Unfortunately I left my meds at his place as well as my disabled parking permit. And a whole bunch of toiletries that I need for when I go away in three weeks. Of course I have extra meds at home but I would like them back ... like you said, eventualy.
Carrie, how would you go about the procedure to get your stuff back? Some of my friends have offered to be there as a neutralizer. My friends always liked him, so they still want to be in contact with him and they feel this might make him more comfortable. Or am I better off just meeting him in a neutral place - the two of us alone - just exchanging it there? I do have an opportunity to stop by his house next weekend because I'll be in his town with a friend of mine (he lives an hour away).
Two ways you can do it:
Hey nicole,
Gosh so many things. Your post reads like every other breakup only in mirror reverse, you in the man's typical position and him in the woman's typical position, even down to the same words, etc., being thrown back and forth. How often have you heard a woman say, "You'll never find another, " "he'll never find another like me, etc.?" For whatever reason, they seem to think it's going to make a person want to come back, or regret their decision when it more often only cements it as the right one. As the rejected party, they just want to hurt someone as much as they hurt, but it's a total backfire. Thank you for posting the true effects of those words, hopefully people take them out of their vocabulary.
His vision of what love is pretty much mimics what so many others feel who have yet to develop their perceptions fully, that "love is all you need" and "love conquers all" or "if you loved each other, you would..." how many times do you read that in a post? Now you know where those people are coming from. ;)
For the record, I don't feel like he is either being mailciously manipulative or controlling of the situation, nor does he seem to be a closet version of that, he's just incredibly hurt. And hurt people lash out. Animals are the most dangerous when hurt, humans are no less.
Nicole, please take this in the spirit it's being offered: You're not going to do yourself any favors by punishing people for not meeting your expectations, especially those you don't speak up about. People are rarely gong to be able to fulfill the silent goings-on in our minds. However, I think what you really wanted to do was simply be angry and this was a pretty handy way to express that.
I would take along a friend to help out with the exchange of items. Make sure it's someone he gets along with. I wouldn't drop in unannounced or catch him off-guard or unawares. Breakups are aleady difficult and painful enough as it is without adding fuel to the flame intentionally.
Hugs,
"Nicole, please take this in the spirit it's being offered: You're not going to do yourself any favors by punishing people for not meeting your expectations, especially those you don't speak up about. People are rarely gong to be able to fulfill the silent goings-on in our minds. However, I think what you really wanted to do was simply be angry and this was a pretty handy way to express that."
Maybe because it's 1:30 AM my mind isn't working, but I don't understand what you're trying to say.
Did I do something wrong?
As for your idea about the stuff exchange, that's exactly what I have planned.
Sorry Sandra ... my friend just read the post and
Yes, you will be totally ok ;-)
I'm glad you had someone there who could decipher my cryptic writings ;-) Just to make sure, what I meant by that statement on not punishing others for not meeting our unstated expectations was in reference to you getting upset when he failed to call you when you were sick. That might be what you wanted, and it's ok to want that, but it's not helpful to act on or let your thinking get clouded by those self-inflicted negative feelings. It wasn't "wrong" to feel upset, but it did waste a lot of your energy and that negative feeling led, directly or indirectly, to the events over the next several days. Doing that regularly in your interactions with people as a matter of course will leave you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled in the long run. So don't do it no mo'. ;-)
Have a super day!
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