Starting to date

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Starting to date
2
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 2:58am

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years this past April. Two months ago, I felt ready to get back in the dating scence and started to go on a few dates. That's when all those horrible feelings came afloat. I started to HATE my ex even more, I've been feeling very sad and doing a lot of crying. Until then, I was doing okay...had my moments but I focused on the positive and begin the process of moving on.

The few dates I have been to were unsuccessful. It didn't bother me that the dates didn't lead to anything more than friendships. It worries me that I am constanly comparing my ex to prospective or past dates. Yes, I will admit that "he" had many good qualities but those weren't enought to offset the few bad ones. Every time a date doesn't go well, I get more angry and bitter at my ex because he put me in this predicament.

I feel like I am going backwards. I don't want to date anymore because is making me feel worse than better. I don't want to feel this way because it keeps the dependency with my last relationship.

I will appreciate if someone can share their story. It would help have some hope and be optimistic about the future. THANK YOU!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:25pm

Sometimes we never know what the trigger will be that makes us feel like we've had a 'set-back'. Sounds like dating was the trigger for you. Becoming social again, has got you thinking about the past, what happened, why, etc. Keep pushing through the feelings...keep moving forward. Are you journal writing, in counseling or reading any good books?

A few to consider:

Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher

I Used to Miss Him...But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide by Alison James

Hopefully, someone will have some good advice for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:34pm

Just think Positive, relax, focus on yourself,do yoga or any form of exercise (it is said that exercise releases and eliminates stress and depression), go dancing, and just enjoy life. When you focus on everything that you want to do then you'll know if your over him. This guy clearly dosn't deserve you, and there are plenty of men in this world you just got to wait for the right one. Give people chances! But let me tell you something when people focus, care, and love themselves they attract people.So don't give up on love, because like i said you deserve so much more.Don't be afraid that there aren't any good guys because there are tons of good guys you just got to find out where they all hang out, and some more advice when searching for someone new open your horizons!

Good luck,
Alexi