starting to make progress?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
starting to make progress?
7
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 1:04pm
well, i have been thinking a LOT lately.

a lot about what you guys have advised,

and a lot about my behavior.

a while ago, i was pretty pissed cause my

ex wouldn't call me back to give me the

homework assignment for our english class.

well, he ended up calling, and i ended up

not answering the phone. i wondered if maybe

i HAD called him as an excuse to talk to him.

so i called the school and left a message

for my instructor instead. i didn't get the

assignment on time, but that's not a big deal.

not so long ago, all my thoughts were consumed by

him. i would see one thing, and i would somehow

find a way to relate it back to him, and then i would

get depressed and lonely. but now, for the past week

or so (ever since i didn't answer his call), i've been

thinking about how i HAVEN'T been thinking about him.

everytime i DO think about him, i think about how i am

not as affected by him as i used to be.

i'm pretty sure he's dating around, and a while ago,

i would've acted completely irrationally, and tried to

find out who he's dating. honestly, i still get a little

twinge knowing that he's dating someone else already, but

it's not like it consumes me. it's like, "oh, that kinda

sucks. oh well."

everyday, i go through the whole day NOT thinking about

him. i prolly have only a few vague thoughts about him

within the day, but they're so vague that i don't even

remember them, really.

i'm hopeful that i'm starting to make real progress, but

i'm wondering if this is just part of the rollercoaster.

before, i've had revelations, and had a few wonderful days

of happiness, and then i'll be depressed or irrational because

of something that happened for a couple of days.

this time, though, i feel that it's different. i've felt this

way for a little over a week, and i didn't answer or return

his call. that's a BIG step for me. i'm starting to get to

the point where i kind of don't want him in my life at all.

i even scheduled my spring semester in order to have all night

classes, ensuring that i won't be in class with him, or even

see him, at all.

a while ago, i wanted him so desperately to remain my friend.

at this point, i'm disinterested in it. although it makes me

sad that the first person i truly loved, the first person i

trusted enough to share my life and my heart with will no longer

remain in my life, i feel as though it's the way it is supposed

to be. i mean, this happens to almost everyone. and they've

survived. and so will i. i will find someone else, hopefully.

the hardest thing is "filling the void." before i met him, i

never had a "void." i had never experienced love, so i didn't

know what i was missing out on. now i do. i'm excited for it

to occur again, and this time it will be different. i'll try

not to make the same mistakes. hopefully, i'll be a much better,

much stronger person by then. :)

so, all of you who have experience, does it seem like i'm on my

way? or does it seem like another up on the inevitable rollercoaster?

thankyou for any and all responses. <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 7:04pm
I think you've made great progress!1 You should be proud of yourself for not answering his calls and not talking to him and for not thinking of him. I think you've realized there is more to life then him......and that is a big step closer to be healed!! Yes there may be a step back here and there but you will get through this and you will come out of this that much stronger. Good luck and keep us posted....we're here when you need us!!











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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 2:36am
thanks so much, heidi!

you've always got such positive things to say.

i really appreciate it!

i'm really glad that i'm not alone in this.

i hope everything's going well with you!

<33333

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 12:17pm
Your making progress, and keep it up. I'm experiencing the same thing, I'll have good days when I feel invincible and I'm like "forget him" and it's been 4 days since I've cried and this morning I almost did, but I held my ground and didn't. It will be a rollercoaster until your actually over him. I'm glad I read your posting, because I almost caved in and called my friend, it's been 8 weeks today, and I thought, don't do it because he hasn't called me so that means he has moved on and I don't want to start all over the hard work I have put in to let my heart heal. I tell you God has been with me thru this whole ordeal. I mean everytime I think of doing something when it comes to "him" I get a mysterious sign from somewhere and it puts me back on track. Just before I read your posting, I wanted to call my friend, but I decided to get online and read some posting and I read yours, and there it was, my sign to not call him. It's so hard, but just two days ago, I accepted that it was over and he has moved on and I started to focus on the good things about him and the little fun we had and that helped me to move on, but today I was like I want to call, but I'm not, so you see your going to have some good days and some bad. On the bad days I realized I'm going to have find an outlet so I won't cave in and call him. Keep it up, your not alone, and we will get thru this. Keep us posted on how your doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 8:48pm
i am SO glad that my post helped you, and that it was your "sign."

i agree with you, i am starting to see signs now too. it's awesome.

i'm pretty sure that there were always signs, i just overlooked them

before because 1)i was hurt and irrational 2)i wasn't ready to cope

with the truth and 3)i thought that if i just gave him a call, he'd

realize the error of his ways.

now that i'm saying that, i feel really dumb. but, when your heart

is broken, you're not exactly rational or logical. you're pretty much

temporarily crazy. hahahah ;)

anyways, if you ever need to talk, or you think you're about to do

something you might regret (i.e.: calling him) don't be afraid to

email me at blargleargle@yahoo.com or im me on aim. my screen name

is: deathxbecomesher.

thanks for your support! <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 5:45pm
Hey, I will add you to my buddy list on yahoo. My screen name for yahoo is Kobesgirltc8, and email @yahoo.com. I'll drop you aline sometime, how's that! My name is DeeDee, what is yours?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:54pm
i'm jenna <3

i don't have yahoo messenger though :-\

but i'd love to share emails!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:56pm
Your more than welcome...that is what we're here for after all!! Things are fine with me and I hope you're doing well also!!











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