starting over and meeting people

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
starting over and meeting people
3
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 11:00pm
can anyone suggest ways to make new friends?


Edited 11/11/2006 6:20 pm ET by saweeti
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 4:28pm

I totally went through this situation with my ex. I had just moved to a new city where I didn't really know anyone, and he was one of my roommates. As soon as we started dating, I spent all of my free time with him and didn't really make an effort to try and have my own life. When we broke up, it was like starting at square 1 and it was terrifying!

What actually helped me (although it sucked at the time) was the fact that I was still living w/my ex after we broke up. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me home along on a Friday night and thinking that I didn't have a life without him, so I did everything possible to make friends and just get out of the house. That's how you have to motivate yourself. I have a huge fear of rejection- and I had to force myself to get over that. I'm sure there are people at the gym or work or somewhere that you might be able to strike up conversation with. Think about joining a class or group like an alumni association. Don't wait for people to invite you out- take the initiative and suggest getting coffee, drinks, whatever.

As far as working on your self-esteem, I would think about therapy. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself, in my opinion- I know it helped me a lot. You seem to be aware of the issues you have and what you need to work on- which is a really good start. I would focus on that right now instead of trying to get back into dating- plenty of time for that later!!

Erica

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 4:49pm

first of all i could be your friend if you could consider it....anyways looking for a friend is not hard....but make sure you look for a good one's mean they wont put you on trouble...if you go out make sure you always smile...looks so friendly...go to a concert...i bet you you'll meet lots of people there...cuz when i went to a concert with my friend i met some nice people..or actually using the internet...myspace....friendster...good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 6:08pm

Most of my friends are people that I work with now or used to work with. Being a single mom, I don't have a lot of time to socialize but I do work for a very large corporation and have made a lot of friends that way and they have introduced me to some of their friends. The key is, that you need to take the first step and ask your friends "Hey let's go to movie this weekend, or dinner, or even coffee". The weekends I don't have my daughter, I start making plans with my girlfriends the Monday before. As for dating, I was dumped 4 months ago and still working on healing my heart. Until my heart is healed, I will spend a lot of quality time with my friends and family since they are the ones who are helping me heal. Don't worry about the ex finding someone else already, most men have a hard time being alone and will get back in the game before they are emotionally ready which leads to another destructive relationship. Who cares what he is doing anyway. All you have to do is concentrate on YOU and living life the best you can right now.

Take Care!