Stay or Go? WWYD

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Stay or Go? WWYD
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 1:02pm

I know we need to separate and move on to divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 1:23am

Hi Username, it's a tricky situation you have there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 2:09pm
Gosh Girl.....Your in the same situation that I am in. I am sorry you are going thru this and I can honestly say---I know how you feel! I have realized that I am going to HAVE to be the one to step up and get the ball rolling. I am going to have to put my foot down....whether he likes it or not we have decisions to make. The longer I stay here with him--the more bitter I am towards him and that is the very last thing that I that I want. Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 3:42pm
In this economy, I don't think you'll get back what you bought the house for, unless you bought it a very long time ago and it was super-cheap, hopefully that's the case. I did an in-house separation with my ex-h for several months before we got the divorce; it was hard and awkward, but let us each figure out how we were each going to move forward. You could ask him to move out, but I think you've done that and he just won't leave and is in denial that there's anything actually wrong. So many men are that way, they don't believe anything is wrong with their relationship until they see their partner's back as she's heading out the door. The in-house separation, while again, hard and awkward, may just be the kick your husband needs to MAKE him admit, yes, there is a problem and oh-by-the-way, it just may be too late but regardless, somethign needs to be done.

It's hard to have loving feelings for someone you've lost respect for (laziness, general blase attitude, etc), at the same time, speaking as someone who's been divorced an now no longer believes in it except in cases of abuse and rampant cheating, it is proven possible to recapture those feelings (crazy as it sounds) but the trick is that at least ONE party has to want it and take that step. Here, it seems the one party who wants it is not the type to be taking any steps, and the one to take steps is not the one who wants it.

Power over your life is in someone else's hands only when you hand it over. Whatever steps YOU decide to take are what's in your control, and that's a lot of power.

Good luck,

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 10:54am

Well? You could try all of the above.. and see which is the best fit.

So lets say hubby wont move out then I would do the in house separation. I did that and although akward it was for that time my alternative. This economy is not good and you will have to move , pay expenses, pay rent.. etc. etc.

Only thing with the in house separation is that its not good on kids.. You will have to remain civil and neutral and you might have to put your kids in therapy and support groups to understand what is going on. Maybe you and the kids can go together. You are going to need support for what you are dealing with.

Lets say you put the house on the market?