Staying friends?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Staying friends?!
3
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:46pm
Here's the big question: Are the efforts of maintaining a relationship with ex-bf worth the akward moments?

On Saturday I went to a football game with my ex-bf and his friend. At first, I was very enthusiastic and stuff. But the minute we began tail gaiting, they both began checking out every girls in sight. Now I know they're guys and bound to do that, but I felt like I was in the way of their fun. Toward the end of the game, I couldn't wait to leave. I was uncomfortable. I told my ex that I felt like I was in his way and I was not happy. I spoke to him today about it and we agreed that we shouldn't go to anymore games together. For me, it's not about other girls it's about respect. I have older brothers and many guy friends and they're not like that. Although they check out girls and stuff, they enjoy their time with their friends. He told me he had a great time and he was sorry that I didn't have a great time. But of course he had a great time, he was gawking for hours. (Yeah, gawking because he won't go up to anyone.) At one point I told him that he should just go talk to the girls...they all knew he was staring at them...and he then told me that none of those girls were worth talking to. Anyways, we get together on a weekly basis to watch a tv show we both like...I just don't know if I should continue this friendship. So after the talking we did today, he was like so I'll see you for the show...and I said "we'll see." So basically, the ball is in my court whether I want to continue this or not. I've never been friends with an ex so I don't know how to act. I usu. cut people out of my life immediately and move on. Since our relationship was not serious, then I feel we can be friends. We get along great, but I don't know.

Thank you in advance!

* I also posted this in the Relationships in your 20s board, but figured this one is more appropriate*

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:14pm
After reading your post, I'm thinking you already know the answer to your question. For the most part, no, it doesn't work to be friends with an ex. You said you were uncomfortable at the football game. And you're also not used to this type of behavior. So why would you even want to hang out with these guys anymore? They sound rather immature to me. You're there to have fun and enjoy the company of friends. They have a different agenda. Once you have had a romantic relationship with someone, you've crossed the friendship boundary and there's no turning back. Not until a substantial amount of time passes, anyway.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 3:08pm
I think that it IS possible to be friends, but it depends on what your relationship was like. If you were both respectful of each other and one or the other just wasn't as attracted, it is possible to be JUST friends after some time has passed. From what I've heard the minimum time of no contact following a break up should be 30 days. But I don't think that's a hard and fast rule. Depending on the relationship it could take longer to heal.

Your situation is a bit confusing though because it sounds like you do still have some feelings for him. And if that's the case, even just slight, then you're better off not being friends just yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:28pm
I care about him and I think he's a fun guy, but I don't have strong feelings for him. I was the one who broke things off 3 weeeks ago. After that, we've hung out and stuff...but it really got weird until now. It's weird because we are in grad school together and we were used to hanging out a lot.