Still asking me to join him

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Still asking me to join him
2
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 8:25am
Hi all - my ex bf and I have now been broken up about a month and he had started contacting me...sent me some golf stuff of his that he thought I'd like to have then asked me again (had asked me a few weeks ago out of the blue) if I'd meet him for the 4th of July at his brothers (we live in different cities). He wasn't telling me he wanted to get back together or anything just wanted to see me. I told him it would be too hard to meet casually as "friends", I couldn't do that. He said that's not what he thought of it as but I reminded him that HE broke up with me and I don't understand what he's doing. I feel awful that maybe had I agreed to meet him we could've picked up where we left off. But w/o any explanation from him wasn't I justified in knowing what his motive was for meeting me? I'm sad that I passed up an opportunity to meet him but I also felt as though I couldn't just come running to "meet" him at the drop of a hat after he broke things off??? Sad again : (
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:10am

Hi Ka1964, you are really beating yourself up here *thinking* about what-if, what were his intentions. You made your decision for you, because it would be detrimental to your healing progress. Ultimately thats why, however, yes it also makes a statement that he can't have you anytime he wants, and yes it's a statement that *just friends* isn't good enough,
So if you want to question those last reasons, than sure, you could change your mind and set up boundaries later as to how your relationship evolves. But, like I said it was for you to keep healing. I think you made the right decision, coming from someone who made all the wrong ones. Look, you could go, you could see him and his family, and inside daydream of how you wish you were together, and you wish things were different. If it's going to eat at you the *what if's* then you should go. It might be just what you need to finally get over it... if it turns out to be just a day, then you'll know, and if it turns out to be another *try* you gotta decide if you can forgive him for discarding you in the first place. We are here for you either way, if it crushes you or just gives you more hope, I know it's a hard decision. I think I failed at it 100 times until this last time, lol

Think about this, July 4 is a big deal, you could have big plans already, with your friends, so no thanks to his invite, someother time. And see if he plans to see you or calls for a date then. I don't know?? Best wishes whatever you decide, big hug

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:23am
Don't feel sad and don't beat yourself up over this...you did the right thing!!
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